I haven't been able to keep up with NHL.com's pun-filled headlines during the last two weeks… mainly because I've been busy watching my favorite long-suffering professional ice hockey team vault its way to the top of the NHL standings. And while it may have not been a clever pun… the Los Angeles Kings are making the front page of NHL.com… for all the right reasons… being a potential Stanley Cup team.

Also, one of Woody Allen's worst films.

Click here to check out the best and worst NHL.com pun headlines from the past week!!!

Every now and then, the pun headline writers at NHL.com will come up with something so original, so amazing, so genius… that all you can really do is read the headline, lean back in your chair and mutter to yourself… "well, I'll be."

Why do I feel like this song was in heavy rotation at NHL.com HQ this particular night.

Click here to check out the best and worst NHL.com pun headlines from the past week!!!

I know that the headline writers over at NHL.com are really pushing the envelope this season with their pun headlines… but I'm really surprised Gary Bettman let this one slide by.

EDITORS NOTE: This is in no way an actual NHL.com headline. This is the work of Indiana Matt.
And we finally made the front page. It's about time!

Click here to check out the best and worst NHL.com pun headlines from the past week!!!

The NHL season is here again and that can only mean one thing… the NHL.com Pun Headline writers are back with a vengeance!

God, how I've missed you.

Click here to check out the best and worst NHL.com pun headlines from the past week!!!

As we all know, the biggest story of this NHL Free Agency Period has been the trading of RFA Jaroslav Halak to the St. Louis Blues from the Montreal Canadiens. And when Halak signed a four-year, $15 million dollar contract this week, the headline writers at NHL.com must have been salivating, considering their epic use of Halak-y Puns in the past.

Really? Blues Ink Halak? That's all you got?
I don't get it... is it like blue ink in a pen? The pen that he used to sign the contract?

There is only one acceptable pun headline for the St. Louis Blues signing of Halak: Halak is the New Blue. Did you know this piece of Blues Pun-Related Trivia courtesy of Wikipedia?

The name Blues is a pun (play on words) between the colour blue and Blues music; thus a blue note is the team's logo. There is a song entitled St. Louis Blues.

Of course, the real story of the week has been KovyWatch2000™ as a nation stands by breathlessly to see which NHL team will overpay for Ilya Kovalchuk and eventually try to figure out a way to trade him 5 years into a 14 year contract. I don't know which teams are having the bigger battles over Kovy.. the Los Angeles Kings vs the New Jersey Devils… or the headline writers at NHL.com vs the headline writers at FoxSports.com.

FoxSports.com. Ok, Ilya is a left winger. And since everyone including
Vaclav Fuckin' Prospal signed on Day 1... this makes total sense as a pun headline.

NHL.com. Going with the trend started in the first headline...
I think "Left Out" would have made more sense.

Come on FoxSports.com... act like you been there before. Too easy!

NHL.com. Get it... "courting"... like a Kings' Court!

This is part where NHL.com stopped caring. About headlines and about photos.

This is the part where FoxSports.com actually started covering some real hockey news.

Sadly this is only the 2nd best re-telling of the Kovalchuk drama in photos.
McSwarley has the 1st.

The real loser in KovyWatch2000™? Taylor Hall. Whose act of signing his first professional contract was lost in the Kovy Headline Shuffle.

I really hope Taylor Hall doesn't go on to have a Hall of Fame career...
because those headlines will be really annoying in 20 years.

And finally, it's definitely not a pun… but I love it when NHL.com gets its streams crossed with US Weekly.

Top 4 Rejected Headlines in regards to Ilya Kovalchuk saying "no" to the Los Angeles Kings:

1) N'yet Gain
2) You Can't Spell ILYA with LA
3) Chuk Wagon Hitched to the East
4) Russian Regicide

The thought of someone paying the 10 year, 100 million contract that Ilya Kovalchuk is seeking is enough to make you throw up in your mouth.

Well played, Fox Sports.

Sure... on paper, the Los Angeles Kings look like the perfect destination for the #1 UFA. They have the cap space, the young, up-and-coming team, the lure of playing in the shadow of the Hollywood sign. But Dean Lombardi didn't work this hard... to come this far... and then piss it all away by signing one player to a ridiculous contract. I'm not saying that Kovalchuk is just in it for the money but when one of the premiere UFA defenseman takes a discount to play for a potential winner... it's obvious that Kovalchuk isn't offering any sort of deal to a team that would like to pay for his services.

Seriously, is this the guy you want on your team?
Ben Linus as a school teacher looks more threatening than this guy.

And let's remember... this is a negotiation... and Dean Lombardi LOVES to negotiate. So his public statement that the Kings are out... could just mean that the Kings are still in. But do the Kings really want Kovalchuk? Probably not. They won't want him for a 10 year, 100 million dollar contract... and the Kings aren't good enough to only want Kovalchuk for a 1 year contract. Kovalchuk is a once-in-a-lifetime type Free Agent... but is he worth the inability to re-sign Drew Doughty, Wayne Simmonds or Jon Bernier in a few years?

1) Il-advised
2) Il At Ease
3) Il-conceived

The only thing worse than the Kings not being able to close a deal with an NHL Superstar? What this Kings team looks like without closing a deal with an NHL superstar. Quisp has all the details.

Yikes. Just don't make a panic trade, okay Dean?

I'm not sure if it's because Monday was a holiday here in the United States but the Head Pun Writer at NHL.com definitely was on vacation all last week. I mean, come on… let's see your "A" game! This is the Stanley Cup Finals!!!

Oh, I see what you did there.

Mike Cammalleri and Brian Gionta would like to know just how tall the writers at NHL.com are.

And even after the goal scoring clinic that was Game One of the Finals, it still felt like the pun writers at NHL.com were doing their best Marian Hossa impression… trying hard… but just not connecting.

This is the headline equivalent of 2 goals in 17 playoff games.

And then… after Monday's exciting Game 2… it turns out that all is right in the puniverse.

Seriously. How come no one thought of this sooner?

So while the NHL Stanley Cup Finals haven't really disappointed hockey fans (unless you happen to be from the general Philadelphia area)… I have to say... it's time for NHL.com to step up their game. Because as recently as only a week ago… they were a box office hit.

I would love to see a crossover between Variety and NHL.com.
It might look something like this:

Let's hope that Game 3 on Wednesday awakens both the Philadelphia Flyers and the NHL.com pun writers.

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Now, Philadelphians get all sorts of notoriety for being hardcore sports fans. So the question of morality doesn't really come up too much when talking about Philadelphia fans. (In fact, most loyal readers of The Royal Half will know that morality doesn't really come into play on this site... usually ever.) But tonight, while trying to convince me to scalp tickets for Game 4 on Friday night when I'll be on the east coast, Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy came across this ad on Craigslist.

So your father passes away. You are headed out of town to the funeral and you have 2 tickets to the hottest sporting event around. The morality question... do you scalp and try to make a large sum of money before you leave for the funeral? Or just try to get the tickets to someone who will enjoy the game? It seems like a plot line from an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. But I'm pretty sure this Flyers fan is selling his tickets for face value... so maybe Philly sports fans do have morals after all.

One of the best storylines of the 2010 NHL Playoffs has been the coming out party of Dustin Byfuglien. The 25 year old left winger/former defenseman has 8 goals in 16 playoff games, 4 of them game-winning. At 6' 4" and 257 pounds, he has announced his presence with authority in front of the opposing goalies net. But the biggest factor of Byfuglien's game are the intangibles... you see, both his first and last name are incredibly useful in making awesome puns on the NHL.com front page.

With the possibility of more headlines like these, it's easy to get excited about the Chicago Blackhawks having the opportunity to win their first Stanley Cup in 49 years. But if Chicago is going to win the Cup, I'm hoping that NHL.com can do better than this.

I'm pretty sure the song is Sweet Home Chicago, no?

If the Blackhawks lift the Stanley Cup over their heads in a week and a half... I'd go with "History Buff." But even though NHL.com failed with the celebration of the Blackhawks being the Western Conference Champions, they certainly didn't disappoint when trying to get fans to buy Western Conference Champion merchandise.

Jon Toews will stare through your soul until you buy a Western Conference Champs t-shirt.

And who are the Chicago Blackhawks going to battle in the Stanley Cup Finals? Well, we might find that out tonight. But if the recent Pun Headlines are any indication, the Montreal Canadiens hab-it of appearing on the front page of NHL.com may be coming to an end.

Take a closer look at that bottom line of video clips.

It's almost like the pun writer is just showing off now.

Hockey Blogging God, James Mirtle, commented last week that the NHL.com policy of "Hab" filled headlines "hab to be stopped." Well, the Canadiens magical run in the 2010 Playoffs may come to an end tonight... but if so, they left us with a beauty.

It all started innocently enough on March 16th, almost a full month before the NHL playoffs began. That's when this first appeared on the front page of NHL.com:

At the time, the Montreal Canadiens were in the midst of a 6 game winning streak that had vaulted them back into playoff contention. Little did we know that the "Hab" in "Habs" would become the hottest trend in the playoffs next to Montreal goaltender, Jaroslav Halak, winning Game 7's. For example, when the Canadiens tied up their 2nd round series against the defending Stanley Cup Champion Pittsburgh Penguins:

And when the Canadiens eliminated the Penguins in Game 7?

And hey... ESPN... why don't you just stick to selling advertising for your local web sites or not covering the indiscretions of athletes that appear on your network. Let's leave the hockey pun headlines to the professionals, okay?

It seems that everything is going so well for the Canadiens that there is nothing that will stop their ascent to the front page of NHL.com.

Oh, right. That whole "not winning Game 1" thing.

special thanks to TRH Reader, Brian M., for the ESPN screengrab!!!

These 2nd round Stanley Cup Playoff series have been quite prolific for the NHL. And for hockey fans in the Eastern Conference, the excitement of these series is well covered in the NHL.com headlines... and it certainly rings true!

If Boston plays Montreal in Round 3, I'm calling right now the headline, "Hell's Bell's"...
when Miroslav Satan scores a game winner.

Um... I'm pretty sure it's pronounced "see-MOHN."

And in the Western Conference, there's no East Coast Bias in sight anywhere on NHL.com, as the headline for the San Jose Sharks march to the 3rd round certainly wasn't "dialed-in."

I really feel like the NHL missed an opportunity here with "The Sharks Not Ready to Jump the Shark."

The Top 3 Songs by the Band Kansas that can be used by NHL.com for Pun Headlines:

1. Carry On Wellwood Son
2. Umm...
3. Turns out that Dust in The Wind and Carry On Wayward Son are the only 2 Kansas songs

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The other day, in my real job, I needed to find a different word for the adjective "upset." So I used my MacBook Pro's trusty built-in dictionary and the results were rather surprising.

Let's zoom in for a closer look, shall we?

I'm running the latest system software on my MacBook Pro, so I figure there is no way they could be referring to the Houston Oilers. So there you have it... according to Apple, any win by the Edmonton Oilers would be an "upset" or a "surprise win" or a "shocker." Apple Computer hates the Edmonton Oilers.