In case you hadn't heard (and we're guessing you have) we're hiring a beat writer to cover us -- ht.ly/1OZLWn— LA Kings (@LAKings) October 16, 2012
That's right... now any person who has ever posted anything on the internet can be an official Sports Reporter™!!! I mean... it's not like you need any experience or anything, right? RIGHT?!?
Well I guess I can't apply.
But only because I don't have a "unrivaled knowledge and passion for hockey."
Let's be honest here. There are only 5 people in line for this job. John Hoven from Mayors Manor. Gann Matsuda from Frozen Royalty. Quisp from McSorley's Stick. Surly and Scribe from LA Kings News. And last, but not least, the boys from Kingscast.
Here is a photo of all 5 candidates.
Luckily, I've been able to intercept the official Los Angeles Kings Beat Reporter Questionnaire (waaay before Down Goes Brown) and hopefully it will shed some light on who exactly will step into Rich Hammond's ill-fitted suit.
1) Why do you want to be the next blogger for the Los Angeles Kings?
( ) Let’s be honest, I’m pretty much doing the job right now. It would just be nice to get paid for it. (But I’d still do it for free. Call me. Please!)
( ) I’m not a blogger, I’m a journalist.
( ) To give a voice to the people upon whom grave injustices are committed.
( ) I’m tired of the Kings Draconian policies when it comes to Improv Comedy in the sport of hockey.
( ) Blogs… please. Vlogs is where it’s at!!!
2) What would be your biggest contribution to the LA Kings in terms of writing?
( ) The uncanny ability to turn LA Kings Insider into the NHL’s 1st stop for all hockey news that has to do with breakfast foods and Toronto-based baseball teams.
( ) Unparalleled 12 Part Series chronicling the most insignificant members of the LA Kings off-ice staff.
( ) Numbers, numbers and more numbers.
( ) Sonnets!
( ) Oscar Nominated Shorts.
4) What sets yourself apart from the other applicants for this position?
( ) Most of the players already follow me on Twitter, so I can save money on pencils and notepads.
( ) An incredibly unhealthy obsession with the LA Kings Ice Crew. Oh… and a total lack of a sense of humor.
( ) Sonnets!
( ) Charts & Graphs
( ) We partner a lot with The Royal Half and let’s be honest… that dude is genius!
5) If hired, what would you call the blog?
( ) I'd name it something that bestowed an unearned title of authority on me.
( ) To Catch a Predator
( ) Ye Old Hockey Blogge
( ) Jack Johnson’s Regret
( ) KingsVision
I guess the cat's out of the bag but yes, I will be replacing Hammond. Every interview will begin with, "Those guys were pussies, right?"— Rudy Kelly (@rudykelly) October 10, 2012
@mstrbig "Mr Johnson, LAKingsInsider. First question: fuck you."— Rudy Kelly (@rudykelly) October 10, 2012