After attending the Los Angeles Kings 8-3 pre-season victory over the Anaheim Ducks, I'm thinking that the team ends up skating a lineup like this:

Quisp - Battle of California - Surly & Scribe

Mayors Manor - The Royal Half - Life in Hockeywood

LA Kings Outsider - KingsCast - Deep Inside the Kings

OhCarrlyn's Twitter - McSwarley - Dustin Brown's Twitter

Peter Harrold

I don't know about you guys, but I really like the look of that 2nd line. Also, I'd rather have Quisp as the #1 LW than an over-paid Russian any day of the week.

Have any of you actually read Dustin Brown's Twitter? If not, I'd like to play a little game called: NHL Captain or 11 Year-Old Nephew?

Pinkberry. I love it.

Good day of practice. Home for the day possibly some Halo Reach.

Just picked up NHL 11 not bad 84 rating gotta get used to the controls.

The correct answer is.... 11-Year Old NHL Captain.

Photo courtesy of Indiana Matt's awesome Android Phone app.

It felt great to be back at Staples Center last night even if it just was the pre-season. There was a general excitement in the air and fans across the building have already begun to embrace the newest Kings players.

Worst. Willie Mitchell Jersey. Ever.

Seriously? There's already a Jon Bernier player t-shirt?
The #1 goalie controversy has barely started!

I'll save my review of the new 2010-2011 Staples Center amenities for when a Los Angeles Kings victory actually counts for something… but we may have a front runner for the newest, most horrible piece of Kings merchandise.

I think at the end of the day, Alexei Ponikarovsky will be an upgrade over the Alexander Frolov that was playing for the Los Angeles Kings. (However, I'm convinced the Alexander Frolov that is playing for the New York Rangers will be a 40 goal scorer.) Wayne Simmonds looks like he's going to have a huge coming out party this season. Jack Johnson just might be for real this year. Drew Doughty has lost some baby fat in his face. And Andrei Loktionov looked like he wanted to be in the NHL way more than Brayden Schenn. I hardly noticed Thomas Hickey and I think that's exactly the type of game he is supposed to play.

But the best addition to the Kings lineup this season? The gigantic scoreboard, of course!

The only feeling better than watching your favorite hockey team dominate a meaningless pre-season game against their cross-town rival who yes, was starting their horrible backup goalie, but otherwise most of their regular season lineup?

Coming home to find your Half Season Ticket Holder Package sitting on your front step. Next stop, Las Vegas, as Indiana Matt and The Royal Half are headed to Frozen Fury for the first time.

You can sign up at Yahoo. Hit me up with any questions.

Since he spent a night at my house during the NHL Draft, NBC's Pro Hockey Talk blogger, James O'Brien, must have felt obligated to ask for my thoughts on the possible training camp battles for the Los Angeles Kings. Did I pick Brayden Schenn's hope to be the 2nd line center? Jon Bernier's quest to become the #1 Goaltender? Rich Hammond's desire to replace Jamie Kompon as the Power Play coach? Find out over at Pro Hockey Talk.

Sure Training Camp starts on Saturday, but the real big news around these parts is the creation of The Brian Willsie Invitational Classic. What is The Brian Willsie Invitational Classic you ask? It's a Fantasy Hockey League created by myself and McSwarley where the goal, much like former King Brian Willsie, is to be the worst competitor possible.

It is simple... get the least amount of total points with a team full of NHL'ers over the course of an entire season. You get rewarded for faceoff losses and goals against... while you get punished for game winning goals and a high plus/minus.

We salute you, Brian Willsie.

If you are interested in joining the league, let me know via email, twitter or leave just leave a comment and I'll send you an invite. This should be a completely different way to experience fantasy hockey that is at least 75% less nerdy and 25% more sarcastic.

You know it's hockey season when the lead blogger for the Los Angeles Kings is right where he belongs... behind the bench.

"Um... I don't know there, Scott... that's not how Coach Murray does it."

Holy shit! When did former Hobey Baker Award winner Scott Pellerin become an assistant coach for the Monarchs!!

As all fans of The Royal Half know... two of our favorite things in the world are Los Angeles Kings Hockey and the AMC television series Mad Men. So much so that The Royal Half In-House Graphic Designer, Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy, even created this piece of genius that somehow never made it into a blog post last season.

Randy Jones is totally Pete Campbell.

So after last week's amazing episode of Mad Men and the subsequent internet phenomenon that has become Sad Don Draper... The Royal Half decide to look back at the Los Angeles Kings 2009-2010 season... Sad Don Draper Style!

Check it out after the jump!

In case you haven't noticed (my Mom and Dad are really the only people to have noticed)... things around here at The Royal Half have been awful quiet this off-season. I mean, honestly... it's not like anything of importance has been going on with the Los Angeles Kings this summer, right?

Enough to win a Cup without Kovalchuk? 
Hmm, not so sure about that one.

As the Dog Days of August turn into the Awesome Approaching Training Camp Days of September, The Royal Half will be back in full force as the regular season gets closer and closer. We'll provide a look back at the Kings Players that are gone from last season's squad as well as take an in-depth look at all the additions that the Kings have made this off-season... you know, players like Alexei Ponikarovsky or Willie Mitchell. Or... only players like Alexei Ponikarovsky and Willie Mitchell. That's right, Kings fans... your 2nd line left-winger going into training camp... Scott Parse!!!

"Yeah, so apparently they couldn't sign this Russian dude, so that means I'm starting on the 2nd line!"

"Oh, that's cool. They haven't really said anything to me about starting this season... 
but I'm sure Coach Murray's just been busy, that's all... 
it's not like I've lost my job before training camp, right? Right?!"

Also coming in September... more Pundays and a fantasy hockey league hosted by McSwarley and The Royal Half. And don't forget... after 20 plus years of being a Kings fan... The Royal Half will be attending their 1st ever Frozen Fury in Las Vegas in October. We'll be signing autographs at $25 a photo before the game, so get in line early. Please, no memorabilia. It's still less than William Shatner charges.

Things that happened in less than 14 days:

The Battle of the Alamo

2010 Stanley Cup Finals

The recording of the first Beatles album, Please Please Me. (9 hours and 45 minutes)

Wally Backman's Major League Baseball managerial career.

Hanukkah

The longest official Cricket game ever

The Indo-Pakistani war

The Britney Spears-Jason Alexander Wedding

Former Los Angeles King Brian Willsie signing his 3rd professional contract.

As we all know, the biggest story of this NHL Free Agency Period has been the trading of RFA Jaroslav Halak to the St. Louis Blues from the Montreal Canadiens. And when Halak signed a four-year, $15 million dollar contract this week, the headline writers at NHL.com must have been salivating, considering their epic use of Halak-y Puns in the past.

Really? Blues Ink Halak? That's all you got?
I don't get it... is it like blue ink in a pen? The pen that he used to sign the contract?

There is only one acceptable pun headline for the St. Louis Blues signing of Halak: Halak is the New Blue. Did you know this piece of Blues Pun-Related Trivia courtesy of Wikipedia?

The name Blues is a pun (play on words) between the colour blue and Blues music; thus a blue note is the team's logo. There is a song entitled St. Louis Blues.

Of course, the real story of the week has been KovyWatch2000™ as a nation stands by breathlessly to see which NHL team will overpay for Ilya Kovalchuk and eventually try to figure out a way to trade him 5 years into a 14 year contract. I don't know which teams are having the bigger battles over Kovy.. the Los Angeles Kings vs the New Jersey Devils… or the headline writers at NHL.com vs the headline writers at FoxSports.com.

FoxSports.com. Ok, Ilya is a left winger. And since everyone including
Vaclav Fuckin' Prospal signed on Day 1... this makes total sense as a pun headline.

NHL.com. Going with the trend started in the first headline...
I think "Left Out" would have made more sense.

Come on FoxSports.com... act like you been there before. Too easy!

NHL.com. Get it... "courting"... like a Kings' Court!

This is part where NHL.com stopped caring. About headlines and about photos.

This is the part where FoxSports.com actually started covering some real hockey news.

Sadly this is only the 2nd best re-telling of the Kovalchuk drama in photos.
McSwarley has the 1st.

The real loser in KovyWatch2000™? Taylor Hall. Whose act of signing his first professional contract was lost in the Kovy Headline Shuffle.

I really hope Taylor Hall doesn't go on to have a Hall of Fame career...
because those headlines will be really annoying in 20 years.

And finally, it's definitely not a pun… but I love it when NHL.com gets its streams crossed with US Weekly.

If you believe every single fucking person on the internet... Ilya Kovalchuk will be signing a contract with the Los Angeles Kings sometime on Monday. I'll believe it when I see it... but is there any Kings fan out there that doesn't think Dean will get it done and get it done with a decent deal? Apparently, Ilya Kovalchuk is in Los Angeles right now so that he and the Kings Or-gan-i-zation can meet face to face. Yeah, right... these multi-million dollar contracts are always hammered out over a Double-Double Animal Style at In N Out Burger. So there is a good chance that Kovy is tooling around Los Angeles right now in his Dodge rental car trying to figure out how to pronounce Sepulveda. If he's like any of the hockey bloggers that came to Los Angeles for the Entry Draft... he's probably tweeting about how much the traffic sucks.

Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to Sharkeez?
I'm supposed to meet Jarret Stoll there.

If you happen to see Kovy wandering around The Grove, be sure to go up to him and say hi and that you'd really like him to play hockey in Los Angeles for cheap-ish. But the biggest meeting will be when the 27 year old Kovalchuk meets the current best Los Angeles Kings player signed to a long-term contract... 22 year-old Anze Kopitar. I've said it before, but I think it might go something like this...

Kopi-Kovy. Kovy-Kopi.

Come on, bro. You know you want to join me here...
kneeled awkwardly on a crown.

With everything that has been said today about Ilya Kovalchuk... I think that Down Goes Brown said it best....

Fun fact: At ten days and counting, the Ilya Kovalchuk Sweepstakes have lasted longer than any post-season Kovalchuk has ever experienced.

Tomorrow has the possibility of being the biggest day in Los Angeles Kings history since... well, some Canuck got traded here.

If you know anything about this blog, you know that for every season that myself and my Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy have bought our Half-Season Ticket Package for the Los Angeles Kings.... they didn't make the playoffs. 7 years (8 if you include the Lockout) of all the fun of being Half-Season Ticket Holders... but without any of the playoffs. This unfortunate circumstance even led to the creation of The Royal Half official tag-line... "CONFESSIONS OF A 7 YEAR LOS ANGELES KINGS HALF-SEASON TICKET HOLDER... THE SAME 7 YEARS THEY HAVEN'T MADE THE PLAYOFFS."

The closest thing I could find to "sad Kings fan."

Well, it's with great pride and honor that I announce The Royal Half is now able to shed its reputation of being a blog that follows a team that is a consistent loser and can't make the playoffs. Presenting our new tag-line!

When the Chicago Blackhawks won their first Stanley Cup in 47 years my immediate thought was "hmm, I gotta think that the Kings are now near the top in terms of longest time without ever winning the Cup."A few internet clicks later and I learned the shocking truth.

The Kings are in a vicious 3-way tie for longest amount of time without a Stanley Cup. And since the Toronto Maple Leafs supposedly won a Cup in 1966-67, the Kings and St. Louis Blues have gone the longest without ever winning the Stanley Cup. I know it's hard being a Kings fan... but could you imagine being a Blues fan? You make it to 3 consecutive Stanley Cup Finals out of the gate as a franchise... and then nothing since.

You know, now that you mention it...
it was the Blues that gave up that easy goal to Orr in the '70 Finals.

So the Kings are now 42 seasons without the Stanley Cup. And to be honest, they only got close once. Heck, the Kings have only ever been in the Conference Finals twice. So now that the Kings have got the whole "making the playoffs" piano off their back... can a "win the Stanley Cup" one be far behind? I think so... as long as they can keep this guy around:

No, this guy:

Dean Lombardi is exactly the right guy for Kovy-Gate. Because you know what it takes to win Stanley Cups in the Salary Cap era? It takes Brass Balls.

Glen Sather? Nope. Darryl Sutter? Nope. Bryan Murray? Nope. Dean Lombardi and Lou Lamoriello may have the biggest pair in the NHL. They are taking Ilya Kovalchuk and his agents dream of a 10 million dollar a year payday... and holding it hostage. This isn't about Kovalchuk not being able to make a decision... this is about 2 General Managers who are not willing to back down. It has all the intrigue of a cat and mouse political thriller... especially in the way that Dean Lombardi has used the LA Times and the power of Twitter to his negotiating advantage.

"See, what you've got here is the ability to keep a core group together for a long period
of time while at the same time checking off a box for that elite talent that...."

"Dean, give me 5 minutes with that Russian jerk-off and I'll get him to sign for 3 million a year."

"Give me one season with that asshole and I'll teach him how to backcheck."

Once the Kovalchuk dust has settled... and Kovalchuk has signed with the Kings for a cap-manageable amount of money OR the Kings have passed on a crazy contract that would screw the team in the long term... will Dean Lombardi come out as the best General Manager in Los Angeles Kings history? Well, no matter what happens with the Kovalchuk negotiation that shouldn't be too hard actually. It's not like he has the toughest competition.

Tim Leiweke is no patron saint of patience when it comes to running a sports franchise... but as a long time Kings fan, it's hard to be upset that Kovalchuk hasn't signed when you hear this.

"We really would love to add Kovi to our team, but not at the cost of our good young players," Tim Leiweke, the Kings' governor and chief executive of parent company AEG, said Wednesday night. "Dean is trying here, but we know what we need in cap space going forward to keep our nucleus together. We can't let one guy throw us into panic in a year or two. It is not about cash. It is about cap."

Do I think the Kings win the Stanley Cup next season with Kovalchuk? No. Without him? Certainly not. But are the Los Angeles Kings a step closer with Dean Lombardi as GM to winning a Stanley Cup than they ever were with Wayne Gretzky or Rogie Vachon? Hell yes.

This is what I see:

And this is what I hear:

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH RE-ENGAGED BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.