Game #78

LA KINGS
38-27-12
88 pts, 8th in Western Conference
vs
EDMONTON OILERS
31-37-9
71 pts, 14th in Western Conference

Oilers lead Season Series 2-0

6:30pm, Rexall Place
Edmonton, AB
FSW

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
JeanShorts and BaggedMilk
Oilers Nation
Oilers Jambalaya
Lowetide

SATURDAY

Game #79

LA KINGS
38-27-12
88 pts, 8th in Western Conference
(a/o Friday)
vs
MINNESOTA WILD
32-35-10
74 pts, 13th in Western Conference
(a/o Friday) 

Kings lead Season Series 2-1

5:00pm, Xcel Energy Center
St. Paul, MN
FSW

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
Hockey Wilderness
The State of Hockey News
Wild Puck Banter

BEST LA KINGS TRADE ACQUISITION TO HURT HIS ANKLE:

Hmm... almost.

Nailed it.

I'm not so much worried about what Jeff Carter being out of the Los Angeles Kings lineup for the next 2 games means for their playoff hopes... I'm more worried about what it means for Mike Richards' psyche.

This is what I imagine Mike Richards' Thursday night in his Edmonton hotel room looked like:

And this is what I imagine Mike Richards' drive Friday night to the arena in Edmonton will look like:

And this is what I imagine Mike Richards' post-game shower will look like:

But instead of the swastika it would be the logo for Rednex Rebellion.
And honestly... this is probably more like Trevor Lewis' post-game shower. 

It's a brand-new episode of All The Kings Men with Podcaster General, Jesse Cohen, Matt from Life In Hockeywood and myself talking the LA Kings Western Canada Road Trip and if they can sneak into the Playoffs. Joe Yerdon from NBC's Pro Hockey Talk stops by to discuss the fate of the teams in the Western Conference and to discuss what fans outside of LA think of some of the Kings. And we are also joined by our new friend... awful clicking noise.

Check it out here, subscribe to it on iTunes or you can listen below.

Game #77

LA KINGS
37-27-12
86 pts, 9th in Western Conference
vs
CALGARY FLAMES
35-27-15
85 pts, 11th in Western Conference

Flames lead Season Series 3-1

6:30pm, Scotiabank Saddledome
Calgary, AB
FSW

BEST BROTHERS STRUGGLING TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
Matchsticks and Gasoline
Book of Loob
Dome Beers
Flames Nation

A few minutes before the Los Angeles Kings-Vancouver Canucks game this past Monday, Indiana Matt tweeted the following:

And then also this:

Even though I know that the "Sedins as Sisters bit" is totally overplayed, I re-tweeted it to all my followers since it's important to keep Indiana Matt's confidence up since he's a delicate flower when it comes to his Photoshops. So after I re-tweeted both of Indiana Matt's tweets... the internet acted totally appropriately:

I love that this Sedin Sisters joke was so offensive to someone that they felt my blog had let them down.
Obviously they've never ever, ever, ever read my site before.
And I'm sure this young woman only tweets with the utmost social responsibility, right?

Right.

Wait a second... did someone just call me a "super-testosteroney sports guy"?!?
I'm not sure these people who follow me on Twitter really know the kind of guy I am after all.
I mean... I've made Jonathan Adler jokes on this blog before.

Okay... this is taking it way to far now!!!
How dare you insult me by reminding me that Manny Malhotra scored against my favorite NHL team!!!

Okay... this person might have the most valid criticism.

Thankfully... a bunch of complete strangers that follow me on Twitter stepped up to protect my honor. And if they were tweeting from Canada... my honour. 

Okay... he's got a point here.

Just to be clear... we weren't making fun of the Sedin Brothers because we think they are girlie... we were making fun of them because they are soft Europeans. The best part about this Sedin Sisters Twitter-troversy is that on the same day as all these tweets we posted probably the most anti-male article we've every published here at The Royal Half. Right, Brigitte?

She really has a gift for the English language, doesn't she?

So... in an effort to not be offensive (no... not "un-offensive" like the LA Kings have been all season... "unoffensive" like we don't want to hurt your feelings) Indiana Matt and I have made a promise to not post or Photoshop anything that anyone (especially fans of the Los Angeles Kings) won't like.

Game #76

LA KINGS
37-26-12
86 pts, 8th in Western Conference
vs
VANCOUVER CANUCKS
45-21-9
99 pts, 2nd in Western Conference

Kings lead Season Series 2-1

7:00pm, Rogers Arena
Vancouver, BC
NBC SN
FSW 

BEST KINGS PLAYER FROM THE LAST TIME THEY WON A DIVISION
WHO LATER SMASHED A CANUCK IN THE HEAD WITH HIS STICK:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOG THAT I'VE ATTENDED A PLAYOFF GAME WITH IN PERSON:
Benched Whale

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
Canucks Army
Nucks Misconduct
Pucked in the Head
Pass It to Bulis

ARE THE LA KINGS IN THE PLAYOFFS?
YES!

Last week we debuted our newest column from Brigitte over at One Girl, One Puck where she previewed the LA Kings matchup against the San Jose Sharks. And I have to say... it was very well-received!

Obnoxious is just another word for good, right?

So since I was totally unprepared for a Monday night game... I've included Brigitte's latest "Know Your Opponent" into today's Gameday Thread. God help us all.

Click Here to Check Out "Know Your Opponent" for the Kings vs Canucks Game on Monday, March 26!!!

Game #75

LA KINGS
37-25-12
86 pts, 3rd (!) in Western Conference
vs
BOSTON BRUINS
42-28-3
87 pts, 2nd in Eastern Conference

Bruins lead Season Series 1-0

6:00pm (!), Staples Center
Los Angeles, CA

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS THAT COACHED THE BRUINS
AND MISSED THE PLAYOFFS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 29 YEARS
WHILE BENCHING CAM NEELY AND KEVIN STEVENS FOR AN ENTIRE GAME:

ONLY OPPOSITION BLOG:
Days of Y'orr

ARE THE LA KINGS IN THE PLAYOFFS?
YES!

Today... March 24th 2012, is the latest in a season that the Los Angeles Kings have been 1st in their division since 1990-1991 when the Kings were 3 points up on the Calgary Flames on their way to winning the Smythe... which of course was the only time in their 44 year history the Kings have won a division title.

Nothing's changed a bit, huh?
Holy shit, look at those "Goals For" stats across the board.

This is a much different Los Angeles Kings team than the one that faced the Boston Bruins on December 12, 2011 in John Steven's first game as LA Kings Interim Head Coach. Sure, we can talk about how this team is 10-3 since Jack Johnson was traded for Jeff Carter. How the team's average goal scoring has risen from 2.02 per game to 3.5. How Anze Kopitar has 14 points in these past 13 games and heck... how even Dustin Penner has 3 points in his last 3 games. But the biggest change for these Los Angeles Kings hasn't been Jeff Carter's affect on the scoresheet... it's been his influence in the dressing room.

That's right. Jeff Carter and his frosted tips have spread like wildfire throughout the Los Angeles Kings organization and they are what has this team on its season-high 6 game winning streak of the season. And when I say everyone in the LA Kings organization... I mean EVERYONE.

So as the LA Kings make a push not only for the playoffs, but for their 2nd Division Title in 44 seasons... let us start planning to support this team in the playoffs the only way we know how.

By frosting our playoff beards.

Besides... looking and acting like a team full of complete douches has worked really well in the past for other franchises, hasn't it?

UPDATE:
It looks like the LA Kings are capitalizing on Jeff Carter's popularity. Indiana Matt saw this ad while eating lunch at Hooters in Burbank today:

It's a brand-new episode of All The Kings Men with Podcaster General, Jesse Cohen, Matt from Life In Hockeywood and myself talking the LA Kings 5 game win-streak, the beast mode of Anze Kopitar and how the new NHL Stanley Cup ads offend our very being. Plus, we are joined by Brad Lee from the great St. Louis Blues blog St. Louis Game Time to talk tonight's matchup and reminiscence about Wayne Gretzky's 21 games as a Blue.

It just looks right.

Check it out here, subscribe to it on iTunes or you can listen below.

Also, be sure to listen to this past Monday's episode of All The Kings Men that I forgot to put on the blog where Jesse, Matt and I talk about the concept of the "Bandwagon Fan." Check it out here.

Game #74

LA KINGS 
36-25-12
84 pts, 8th (!) in Western Conference
vs
ST. LOUIS BLUES
46-20-8
100 pts, 1st (!) in Western Conference

Kings lead Season Series 2-1

7:30pm, Staples Center
Los Angeles, CA

BEST PHOTO OF THE LAST TIME BOTH TEAMS WON THEIR DIVISION:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
St. Louis Game Time
Thrashing the Blues

ARE THE LA KINGS IN THE PLAYOFFS?
YES!

Sometimes... Darryl Sutter just makes my job so easy:

(on Dustin Penner scoring again…)
SUTTER: “Good for him. He moved his feet, shot on the fly. He looked like Mark Messier. [grins]

Here is an artists' rendering of Darryl Sutter grinning after making a joke.

Obviously, Darryl Sutter was referring to this goal from Tuesday night in which Dustin Penner single-handedly ruined the San Jose Sharks season and Antti Niemi's confidence.

You know what... despite the 10 goals in 71 games as a member of the Los Angeles Kings... Dustin Penner does look a lot like Mark Messier. 

Just like Messier, Dustin Penner's career began in a small town.

Just like Messier, he was part of a great youth movement in a non-traditional hockey market.

Just like Messier, he won the Stanley Cup at a young age.

Just like Messier, he's always made himself available to fans.

Just like Messier, he signed a controversial contract with a Canadian franchise.

Just like Messier, he's always been a hit with the ladies.

And just like Messier, he's looking to lead an underachieving team deep into the playoffs.

Game #71

LA KINGS
35-25-12
82 pts, 9th in Western Conference
vs
SAN JOSE SHARKS
36-26-10
82 pts, 10th in Western Conference

Sharks Lead Season Series 2-1

7:30pm, Staples Center
Los Angeles, CA
NBC SN
FSW 

BEST GOALIE TO WEAR BOTH COLORS AND HAVE "HOLLYWOOD" ON HIS MASK:

WORST HEADGEAR EVER WORN BY KELLY HRUDEY:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
Fear the Fin
Battle of California
Couch Tarts

Sometimes... my Gameday blog posts just write themselves:

A difference maker is the improved play of the top line, notably Dustin Brown and Anze Kopitar. Brown has 15 points in his past 11 games and Kopitar has 11 points in his past 10 games.

"You have leaders now," Sutter said. "Every day, every game. They're not just offensive princesses. They have to be 200-foot leaders … (in) practice, off ice, on ice. They have to do that for our team to be productive. That's a responsibility they want and a responsibility they need."

Obviously, Darryl Sutter wasn't too pleased with the LA Kings and their last charity appearance.

Sorry, Penner... but your goal last game does not make you an offensive princess.
I don't know about you guys... but I would totally do Princess Kopitar. 

If you read RudyKelly's blog over at Battle of California on a regular basis, it may sound strange to you when I say "Man... I was truly inspired by RudyKelly's post today." But you know what... I was.

"I've spent my whole life dedicated to a franchise that fucking sucks. A team where the best I could hope for was sneaking into the playoffs and hoping maybe we win a game. But this team is genuinely different. I don't hope we catch a team napping or maybe we can light up their back-up. This team is genuinely good. Anze Kopitar is the best center we've had since Gretzky, Drew Doughty is the best defenseman we've had since Blake and Jonathan Quick is the best goaltender we've ever had. Kings fans can truly appreciate a good team much like an Ethiopian can truly appreciate a good meal (or some other metaphor that's less horribly offensive).

If the Kings miss the playoffs I will be devastated because I'm a baby but ultimately it won't be so bad. It could be, and has been, so much worse. This team should make the playoffs. Will they? I don't know. Either this season is a lost season or the Kings end up where I thought they'd be back in August. Which will it be? I don't know. Maybe it'll end up working out, maybe not. But at least there's a chance. That's something."

It's true. I too have spent my whole life obsessed over a franchise that has done nothing but treat me like absolute shit. Yet, each year... I come back for more. As these last 10 games of the 2011-2012 season unfold (a season that started in Europe for me... and seems like it will end with whomever wins the final game in San Jose) it's looking more and more likely that the LA Kings only hope for making the playoffs will be to win the Pacific Division. Which at this point in time... it seems like no one wants to win. And wouldn't it be the most ironic way ever... the most "Los Angeles Kings" way ever... if this trainwreck of a season was the season that the LA Kings win their 2nd Division title ever. Like ever, ever. 

The only proof it ever happened.
Besides the banner high up on the Staples Center wall.

Just go out and win tonight, LA Kings. Just go out and beat up on a team that is 3-4-3 in its last 10 and suffered an embarrassing loss last night at home. Because honestly... if the Los Angeles Kings don't make the playoffs this season... Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy and I are going to start the latest viral posing craze.

KOPITARING!!!

As we head into the final 10 games of the 2011-2012 NHL season, I thought that we should take a deeper look at the big opponents each week. I'm too busy writing brilliant satire to do this... so I thought I'd ask one of my favorite new bloggers, Brigitte from One Girl, One Puck to take an in-depth look at the opponent that the Los Angeles Kings will face 3 times in the next 10 games starting Tuesday... the San Jose Sharks. Now, the Sharks have struggled mightily in the 2nd half of this season... and Brigitte has an idea exactly why this is happening. And it may have something to do with this guy.

Click Here to Check Out "Know Your Opponent" for the Kings vs Sharks Game on Tuesday, March 20!!!

The much talked about and much-anticipated brand new NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs ad campaign debuted today...

But I'm a little concerned about how exactly these new ads are supposed to appeal to Los Angeles Kings fans... both new and old.

Indiana Matt... you've done it again.