File this blog post under "Shit We Would Never Talk About If The NHL Was Playing Games Regularly." Jesse Cohen, John Hoven from Mayors Manor and myself break down the 5 Best & the 5 Worst NHL Team Songs as found by Jesse Cohen on the internet during All The Kings Men Podcast Presents: "Locktober." I have no idea what it all means either, but Jesse was borderline obsessed with the NHL Team Songs that he found on YouTube so we spent nearly 29 minutes talking about it. Please... NHL... come back soon.
You can check out the latest All The Kings Men here, subscribe to it on iTunes or listen below.
Also... Jesse has published a full listing of the songs we are talking about in this podcast. And even though I selected the New Jersey Devils' song on the podcast for a cheap joke (at 5min and 35 seconds, the Devils song lasted longer than the Devils chances of winning the 2012 Stanley Cup Finals)... really, the worst team song comes from the only California team to not win the Stanley Cup:
I know that I get criticized a lot for not being a "true" Los Angeles Kings fan. That sometimes... god forbid... I might dare to question the quality of the product that my favorite professional ice hockey team is putting out on the ice. Well, fear not dedicated and true LA Kings fans... for at least once a year... I am one of you. Over the past few seasons, no matter what the outlook for the team heading into the regular season has been... I've placed a $100 bet on the Los Angeles Kings to win the Stanley Cup. That's right... even when the Kings were about to embark on their 71 point campaign of 2007-08... I laid down a cool Benjamin in blind support of my favorite hockey team to win it all. So imagine my surprise in mid-August when waking up from a Stanley Cup-induced hangover... I found this in my pocket.
It's faded because I'm pretty sure that I used it to wipe my tears by accident during Game 6.
Indiana Matt found himself in Las Vegas in mid-July of 2011 and placed what I'm sure he thought at the time was a total suckers bet for me on the LA Kings to win the Stanley Cup at 12 to 1 odds. Honestly, in the madness of the LA Kings actually winning the Stanley Cup... I had totally forgotten about this Golden Ticket. And since the NHL and NHLPA have combined to completely deny me the chance to claim this ticket in person at Frozen Fury in Las Vegas... I mailed the ticket into the Venetian in early October and then a few weeks later received this:
The only thing better than the LA Kings winning the Stanley Cup? Winning money for the LA Kings winning the Stanley Cup!
So here we are... day 59 into the NHL Lockout and I've got $1300 dollars in my pocket. What ever could I spend that money on?!?
Awkkkkkk-waaaaaaard.
All apologies for the infrequent posts on The Royal Half... be lets be honest. There isn't much to talk about. So make sure that you are following me on Twitter... because that is where the real hot TRH action is going on right now... with gems like these:
Step aside Aki Berg... Alec Martinez getting hit in the face with a puck is now the worst Finnish thing to ever happen to the LA Kings.
The best side effect of the NHL Lockout dragging on 59 days? I've been getting plenty of time to read great books about hockey. Make sure you check outBreakaway: From Behind the Iron Curtain to the NHL: The Untold Story of Hockey’s Great Escapes. While reading it I learned that the first Russian-born player to ever play in the NHL was Victor Nechayev for your Los Angeles Kings.
That's right... now any person who has ever posted anything on the internet can be an official Sports Reporter™!!! I mean... it's not like you need any experience or anything, right? RIGHT?!?
Well I guess I can't apply. But only because I don't have a "unrivaled knowledge and passion for hockey."
Luckily, I've been able to intercept the official Los Angeles Kings Beat Reporter Questionnaire (waaay before Down Goes Brown) and hopefully it will shed some light on who exactly will step into Rich Hammond's ill-fitted suit.
3) What is the current logo for the LA Kings? ( ) The Los Angeles Dodgers home plate. ( ) The new Chevy Volt. ( ) FOR SALE. ( ) Shoot… you know what…I’m not sure. I’ll get back to you on that.
Believe it or not... but I've become some sort of a regular guest on The War Room on the SiriusXM's NHL Network. It's always fun to chat with Peter Berce and Mick Kern... and this past Thursday I joined them to discuss how perfect it is that the season immediately following the Los Angeles Kings Stanley Cup victory is probably going to be cancelled. Check it out below.
You can check out past appearances on The War Room under the TRH RADIO tab on the sidebar.
Friday, October 12th at around 7:30pm me and my Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy were supposed to be in our seats at Staples Center for our 10th consecutive Los Angeles Kings Opening Night as Half Season Ticket Holders. The 1st home game of a new NHL season is always a great affair. Catching up with old friends, chatting with season ticket neighbors and of course... watching your favorite hockey team's 1st ever Stanley Cup Banner be raised to the rafters.
Ha... suck it, LA Sparks... just one more championship and we are finally tied with you!!!
So while Los Angeles Kings fans everywhere wait until there is some sort of settlement between the NHL owners and players, there is no reason the LA Kings Stanley Cup Banner should remain in storage. No, instead the LA Kings Marketing Department has figured out a few practical options for the Stanley Cup Banner until it can be placed in its proper home.
But in the meantime... like most of the NHL, I guess it could always go hang out in Russia for the season.
It's Locktober here at The Royal Half and All The Kings Men Podcast!!! So that means we are doing an unprecedented podcasting event where Jesse Cohen and I talk with 30 NHL bloggers from 30 NHL teams in 30 Nights (hopefully!). Jesse and I are really excited about All The Kings Men Locktober... but let's be honest... we are hoping we'll have to kill it in a few days once the NHL and NHLPA announce a new CBA and the season is saved. Yeah, right.
Maybe it truly was Phil Anschutz's dream growing up in Kansas to one day have his wife Nancy's name on the Stanley Cup. You know... instead of Andrei Loktionov or even fellow owner of the LA Kings, Ed Roski, Jr. Perhaps that is why after nearly 20 years of shaping the sports landscape in Los Angeles and across the the world, Phil is putting his Anschutz Entertainment Group up for sale. And that means the Los Angeles Kings are up for sale. Sure, AEG may own facilities in 17 of the top 50 U.S. media markets, be responsible for the Coachella Music Festival as well as the New Orleans Jazz Festival and own a 4 million square foot plot of land in Downtown Los Angeles... but you can be sure that Anschutz makes his real money on a single team in a fringe professional sports league that is currently undergoing a lockout between its owners and players.
"Finally, Dustin...it's ours!!!"
"I know, Mr. Anschutz! What a feeling."
"I can't wait to melt it down for sale."
"What's that, Mr. Anschutz?"
"Nevermind."
You might think that potential buyers would be after the Staples Center or LA Live or the O2 Arena or the vast promotional reach of AEG Live. But no, obviously the suitors of AEG are after one thing and one thing only... the Los Angeles Kings. So in the time-honored tradition of TRH Off-Season Investigative Reporting... we take a look at the potential buyers of AEG and the LA Kings.
When in doubt, they could always try selling the Kings on Shark Tank.
"Pardonnez-moi, monsieur... this photo is for players only."
"Shut it, Bernier. I played more in these playoffs than you did."
You can check out the latest All The Kings Men here, subscribe to it on iTunes or listen below.
And in international news... The Royal Half was featured on television! Well... Canadian television... but it's still television nonetheless! Something called the Global News featured "Locked Out & I Know It" in their roundup of what dumb hockey fans were doing with their time off. You can check out the link here.
Ugh, TV adds 10 pounds to my blog name.
And finally, a few days ago Jesse Cohen released a massive diatribe against the NHL Lockout the only way he knows how... to the tune of a classic childrens' poem about Santa Claus. Which is pretty impressive for Jesse... mainly because he's Jewish. Here it is, in its entirety.
Twas the day of the lockout and no talks were planned
There would be no heroics, no late night last stand
The players and owners would fight over cash
While the hopes and the dreams of the fans were all dashed
They had taken to facebook and reddit and twitter
And as the lockout drew closer their words became bitter
“Up yours Gary Bettman!” “Screw you Donald Fehr”
“Please don’t make another season disappear”
But the lawyers on both sides had made up their minds
And politely told fans we could kiss their behinds
Despite all the owners griping and complaints
They were handing out contracts with little restraint
“Four more years for Shane Doan, $18 Million for Burrows!!!”
While the brows of the fans became wrinkled and furrowed
“Don’t blame us” said the players “for the owners confusion”
While their salaries climbed the fans grew disillusioned
We don’t care about escrows, profit sharing or rollbacks
Or if big market teams should pay a luxury tax
We want to see hockey not hear your regrets
or listen to lawyers posture and make threats
And the good news for fans, who might be so inclined
There’ll be hockey this year, you can watch it online
The juniors and minors will still play their games
While the NHLPA call the owners bad names
“It won’t be as fun as the big leagues” you’ll scoff
But it beats watching Baseball or Tennis or Golf
And before you all know it this lockout will end
And we’ll go back to watching the teams over spend
And in another six years or possibly later
We’ll find ourselves cursing a new batch of traitors
New owners, new players and a new set of lawyers
Brand new employees and brand new employers
They’ll fight over money and lengths of contracts
They’ll distort the numbers and twist all the facts
And we’ll keep on watching and filling the stands
Because the league knows we’re “the worlds greatest fans”
for us it’s not business it’s a piece of our lives
It makes us skip work and helps us survive
It brings us together, it makes grown men weep
It fills all our dreams when we fall fast asleep
So forgive us dear players and agents and owners
If we rant and we rave and we call you all moaners
You’re stealing our fun and you’re taking our hockey
Forcing us to choose between Norfolk and Milwaukee
We won’t get to see the Kings raising their banner
Or watch them defend it, (and do it for Tanner)
We’ll miss the NHL on our TV sets
The Leafs and the Habs and the Flames and Jets
The Sharks and the Blues, the Coyotes and Ducks
The Wild, the Flames and Vancouver Canucks
The Bruins and Flyers and Penguins and Red Wings
The Rangers and Devils and the joy watching them brings
So I make this last plea tho I know it won’t matter
Please cut through the jargon and bullshit and chatter
In the time honored tradition of such other The Royal Half music hits as "Rick Nash's These Teams are on My List" comes our latest release from the TRH Recording Studio...
