From Kukla's Korner, here's veteran hockey columnist for Sportsnet.ca, Mike Brophy, talking about which teams have goaltending issues going into the playoffs...

In the Western Conference, the Phoenix Coyotes, Calgary Flames and Colorado Avalanche should be comfortable with its stoppers. You could probably lump the Los Angeles Kings in that category thanks to the wonderful year Jonathan Quick is enjoying, even though he has only played in one NHL playoff game.

Now, we here at The Royal Half try to do our best to cover the Los Angeles Kings... but did I miss a Kings playoff game in the last two years? I mean, I was in Japan for April last year, did I miss it? I'm not sure if Brophy's bias towards knowing about the Kings is from the east or west coast of Canada. But obviously he's confused the AHL with the NHL. Check out Quick's stats at Manchester for the playoffs:

Oh well. Mainstream Canadian Media may still not know about the Kings... but at least he said the Kings will be comfortable with Quick in the playoffs this season. That's gotta count for something. So just like the NHL Fan Faceoff, Mike Brophy doesn't care about the Los Angeles Kings... or at least getting his facts straight.

Tonight was Retro Night at Staples Center as the Los Angeles Kings celebrated the return of two of the greatest players from its past. In the booth, Nick Nickson returned to the television airwaves for the first time in 20 years... and Kings forward Alexander Frolov returned to playing like the player he's been the past 3 years.

Kings 6, Blue Jackets 0, Alexander Frolov 4

Kings radio play by play announcer (and Ithaca College graduate) Nick Nickson stepped in for Shingles sufferer Bob Miller during tonights broadcast against the Columbus Blue Jackets. Nick was the color analyst for Bob Miller from 1981 to 1990... an era when you didn't have to be a former NHL'er to know how to analyze the game of hockey. And from the looks of it... Nick hasn't changed a bit in 20 years.

Screw Hrudey... Nickson's on Duty Tonight!

Clearly no one reminded Nick not to wear one of his "radio" ties.

I rarely listen to Kings games on the radio, so it was a complete flashback to hear Nick's voice once again on television. Sure, Bob Miller is one of the greatest, but someday Nick Nickson's going to take over for him... and I'll be fine with that. As long as Fox Sports West HD doesn't bring in Jeremy Roenick to work along side him. In fact, there was probably only one person who didn't enjoy Nick's return to television.

Mainly because Nick has a bit of a height advantage on Bob Miller. 
The crazy part is Jim Fox is already standing on an apple box.

We here at The Royal Half wish Bob Miller a speedy recovery from the Shingles, a nasty viral disease. Any ideas where Bob might have caught it from?

Yeah, better cover those legs up next time, Brownie.

The other person to make a triumphant return to the Los Angeles Kings tonight was enigmatic Russian forward, Alexander Frolov. I don't know who put the steroids in his pelmeni, but Frolov has come out of the Olympic Break blazing not just with 8 points in 4 games... but also with a fire under his ass that hasn't been there all season, even after several attempts to light it.

Frolov is a 2-time 30 goal scorer who can frustrate and excite Kings fans... sometimes within the same shift. He's soft-spoken and always has a smile on his face... which makes it difficult to believe he takes the game seriously. Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy thinks that Frolov just sucks in air strangely... to give the affect that he is smiling. In case you aren't familiar with Frolov, here is a recent interview with him.

So the Kings demolish the Columbus Blue Jackets tonight, but that's what an elite NHL team is supposed to do... beat up on weaker teams. Newly acquired Freddie Modin had a goal and an assist tonight against his former team, bringing his point total as a King to 3 points in 3 games. Let's take a look where Modin fits in terms of previous Los Angeles Kings Trade Deadline Acquisitions.

So how is Freddie Modin adjusting to life in Los Angeles rather than Columbus, Ohio?

Oh, I'd say he's adjusting just fine.

The Kings scored so many times tonight, the players spent more time looking up at the scoreboard than they did the ice.

Modin doesn't watch the replays. Modin knows he scored.

And Fox Sports West HD confirmed tonight what plenty of female Kings fans have know for nearly 2 years...

Drew Doughty is all man.

Just ask the Lady in Red... who now has the distinction of appearing on two Kings blogs in the same 24 hours!

Fox Sports West HD also provided a sneak peek at one of the most anticipated hockey movies since Miracle. It's a documentary that follows an enormous battle that is yet to be waged...

The True Story of 5 Teams, All with a Shot at the Playoffs

SPOILER ALERT: Fox Sports West HD gave away the ending to the movie!

Here lay the bodies of Getzlaf, Perry, Morrow and Turco.

Random question for the loyal readers of The Royal Half... anyone know why Ersberg's number isn't in numerical order?

Worst. Episode of Lost. Ever.

No really... all the numbers go in order until it hits Ersberg's #31. I'm assuming Quick's number is blocked by Simmonds huge head... so it can't just be that he's a goaltender. So what gives Kings fans? Anyone know the answer to this? My horrible OCD needs to know.

Sometimes beating up on a shitty team is all it takes to bring a smile back to your face. Right guys?

"Oh man, remember that year we were 2nd to the last in the league?"
"Yeah, that really sucked."
"You wanna see my silver medal?"

And much like Shingles... sometimes those smiles can just be infectious.

Wipe the closest thing you'll ever have to a smile off your face, Coach Murray...
you've got Chicago to play on Wednesday!

Well, I've had the weekend to think about it... and I still believe the Los Angeles Kings played like shit on Saturday night against the Montreal Canadiens. Sure there was a pretty goal by Anze Kopitar and Freddie Modin is looking more and more like a solid pickup... even getting some time on the Power Play. With Modin's goal on Saturday he has now surpassed Anson Carter and Mark Parrish as the highest scoring Los Angeles Kings trade deadline acquisition... with 1 point.

{iframe}http://kings.nhl.tv/team/embed.jsp?hlg=20092010,2,963&event=L.A482{/iframe}

Anson Carter, 15 games 1 assist
Freddie Modin, 2 games, 1 goal

The Kings have looked a bit lifeless the last 2 games after coming out strong against the Dallas Stars after the Olympic Break. Good teams can afford to lose a game here and there... but if the Kings lose tonight against the Columbus Blue Jackets... Coach Murray might have his hand on the panic button. Now the Kings have been known to have a playoff spot nearly secured before.... only to fail miserably during March and April. Check out Quisp over at the SB Nation Kings site for a solid primer on what the Kings need to do to make the playoffs. (Although I disagree with him... the 11 straight losses to end 2003-2004 was the bigger playoff collapse.)

So since the Kings put in little-to-no effort on Saturday night, The Royal Half will do the same today. Cue the photo captions!

Having the Montreal Canadiens in town is just like having the Red Wings at Staples, but with Frenchier names.

How does the husband of an Academy Award nominated winning actress spend the night before the Oscars?
Buying chicken sandwiches next to The Royal Half, that's how.
EDITORS NOTE: Jesse James was not wearing any of his Kings Lifestyle clothing.

This photo warms my heart as these two people have found each other...
by sharing their love of two of the biggest floaters in the NHL.

This guy definitely spent some time crafting this Franken-jersey. It was one of the best I've seen.

But what you don't know is that the other halves of the jersey were ALSO used for his buddy's Roy hybrid.
They are like the Tomax and Xamot of Franken-jerseys.

Yo, Roy!

I'm the blonde and Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy is in the USA jersey.

Breaking news from Rich Hammond over at Kings Insider... Los Angeles Kings legendary play by play announcer Bob Miller will be out sick for tonights game versus the Montreal Canadiens. So I'm sure that the Kings will move up Nick Nickson, radio play by play announcer for the Kings for something like 20 years to call the TV broadcast for tonights game. That should be great as I really like the way Nickson calls a game.... whaaaaaaat?!? This guy is doing play by play on TV instead?!?

Jim Fox. The voice of your Los Angeles Kings.

In a move that parallels Coach Murray's constant line shuffling, TV analyst Jim Fox will take over play by play duties tonight, Darryl Evans will move from radio analyst to TV analyst while radio play by play announcer Nick Nickson will stay on the radio joined by... Kings blogger Rich Hammond. Wow, Rich Hammond is rising up through Hollywood faster than Anne Heche.

For those of you not familiar with Jim Fox, he is 8th all time on the Kings scoring list and this is his 20th season as color analyst with Bob Miller. And as Life In Hockeywood has mentioned before... he's a bit of shortie. Oh... and he has quite the catchphrase.

That's right... expect to hear a lot of "WHOA's" tonight. Also expect to hear a lot of "from the standpoint of" and "Oh! Great look boys!" But you don't want to mess with Jim Fox, because he'll stare into your soul... even as you are yelling at him for some critical analysis of your coaching skills. (Bryan Murray I'm looking your way!)

But as bad as Foxy is going to be doing play by play tonight... and trust me... it's going to be bad... it will probably better than Chico Resch or John Ahlers. If any readers of The Royal Half will be listening to the radio broadcast tonight, please let us know how Rich Hammond does. This guy is on fire!

From beat writer... to Kings official blogger... to radio analyst.
I fully expect Rich Hammond to be yelling "Anze Fever!" in Barry Melrose's face on ESPN next year.

The Royal Half will be in attendance at this game tonight... but then we'll be rushing back home to watch the game on DVR. And don't forget... if you really enjoy Jim Fox doing play by play tonight... you can download the official The Royal Half Jim Fox Ringtone for your phones.

The Los Angeles Kings came out of the Olympic Break strong on Tuesday, beating the Dallas Stars 5-1. On Wednesday, they made 2 small trades to improve their defensive depth and bring some veteran leadership onto this team that is 11-1-1 in its last 13 games. And then on Thursday... the Kings played like total shit.

I had no idea that Nashville's arena was so fancy.

Kings 2, Nashville Predators 4

For some reason, the Kings cannot figure out how to beat the Nashville Predators. The Kings have lost six straight to the team from the deep south, including two this season. And the best part? The Kings still have to play the Predators two more times. What was the most exciting action during tonight's game? Why the appearance of Green Man, of course.

"Does my face look green in this?"

"I play for the name on the front, not the name on the back of this jersey!"

Worst. Knockoff of Avatar. Ever.

The whole Green Man thing is getting a bit out of control. If you have no idea what Green Man is, check out this article explaining the cultural phenomena. I think the problem with the Green Man at the Predators game tonight was that he just hung out and watched the game... like a normal fan... just dressed in a green lycra suit. There was no penalty box taunting or dancing... at least any that Fox Sports West HD chose to show. Call me old fashioned... but if you are going to re-enact a cult scene from a cult television comedy show... at least get seats close to the penalty box.

Besides Green Man, the game tonight featured the debut of the 2 newest Kings, Freddie Modin and Jeff Halpern.

"Jeff, you've got some pretty great hair there."
"Foxy, your hair is the best in the biz."
"Kiss me."
"What?"

Both Halpern and Modin did what they were supposed to... be non-eventful. They each played about 10 minutes of defensive hockey, even getting some time on the penalty kill. Overall, the Kings looked out of sorts tonight... they were scrambling left and right, coughing up pucks in the defensive zone and it looks like Kings uber-goalie Jon Quick picked up some bad habits from Martin Brodeur during the Olympics.

I'm pretty sure any goalie coach in the league would disagree with this positioning.

Except maybe the goalie coach for Team Canada.

The Kings also continued their Olympian Roundtable series tonight... or as I like to call it... "Awkward Family Dinners with Bob Miller."

Brown looks terrified that Bob Miller is going to reach over and hit him.
Sweet shorts by the way, Captain.

During the game against Dallas, there was a lot of talk about the testing of a new type of camera coverage. Well tonight, Fox Sports West HD tried out its new "looks like TMZ was shooting you in the penalty box cam."

Why can't a guy go to the penalty box without being bothered by the paparazzi?

Fox Sports West HD made a couple other curious programming choices tonight...

They decided to ignore Coach Murray and instead put Erik Ersberg in net.

I know Fox Sports HD is trying to create new rivalries
but misspelling Colorado is not going to turn the Avalanche against the Kings... yet.

Fox Sports West HD also gave every hockey fan following a team in the middle
of a playoff race exactly what they want in March... Spring Training reports in between periods!

And since this is Hollywood, apparently Gordon Willis is now shooting the pre-game show.

Cinematographer jokes for the win!!!

The Kings head back to Staples Center on Saturday to take on the Montreal Canadiens in a game that will be televised on Hockey Night in Canada. So prepare to hear a lot of talk of how awesome Drew Doughty is. Unfortunately, The Royal Half will miss the Doughty Media Orgy as we will actually be at the game. It's too bad Michael Cammalleri is injured... because he and Jeff Halpern could have been involved in the best Jewish fight since the last time Dmitriy Salita hit the ring.

Apparently there was some sort of Trading Holiday (must be Canadian?) that occurred today in the National Hockey League as a record 31 trades went down, moving 55 players to new teams. And none of them were as cool as the Dion Phaneuf or Ilya Kovalchuk trades that went down a month ago.

Worst. Trade Deadline Roundtable. Ever.

But of course, there was big news for Los Angeles Kings fans. The Royal Half Whipping Boy™, Teddy Purcell, has been traded to the Tampa Bay Lightning. The Royal Half takes a look back at his tenure as a Los Angeles King as well as preview the men that have come to take his place.... after the jump!

Before the NHL season started, the boys over at Fantasy Hockey Scouts asked a bunch of bloggers to pick 2 players that they felt would have a breakout season. I put one together for the Los Angeles Kings... and I took it very seriously (otherwise I would have said that Teddy Purcell was due for 30 goals since he was penciled in as the 2nd line winger. Remember that? When Purcell was given the 2nd line winger job? Expected to fill the Kings needs for a scoring winger? Be a big part of the offense? Yeahhh.) You can see my pre-season thoughts over at Fantasy Hockey Scouts here. And for those of you that can't read... here are pretty pictures of it:

Sure, the fact that Anze Kopitar was going to have an offensive renaissance with Ryan Smyth on his wing was no big leap of faith... but check out my other pre-season prediction:

That's right, Jon Quick already has 2 more wins than I predicted him to have for the whole season. So Fantasy Hockey Scouts decided to check in and see how everyone's predictions fared so far. You can see the article here. And for those of you that can't read... well you get the joke:

Straight A's for The Royal Half! My parents can confirm that's a first! Is Jon Quick really on pace for 47 wins?!? You do realize the NHL record is 48, right?

Jon Quick, the current NHL leader in wins. 
Team USA's leader in striped clothing.

The Los Angeles Kings return to non-Olympian action tonight against the Dallas Stars. Since the game is at 5:30pm and I'm Tivo'ing it... I have to go on NHL Internet Lockdown until I get home tonight and watch the game. Normally not such a big deal... except the NHL Trading Frenzy is going on right now! What if the Kings pick up Chris Chelios? Oh... nevermind.

The Olympics were a great time and all... but I'm ready for the NHL to return. But I will say... the 2010 Winter Olympics provided the greatest example of King on King Porn I've ever seen in my entire life.

Welcome back Los Angeles Kings. Now put those medals away and make the stupid fucking playoffs.

Which one these following Los Angeles Kings Olympians acted like they'd been there before?

"Oh boy, Lombardi's gonna have a field day with this one."

"Gold sure is more purdy than silver."

"Big boy handshake. Strong hands, look 'em in the eye."

Your NHL leader in wins.

That's right. Los Angeles Kings goaltender Jon Quick made it onto the ice for the Olympic Medal presentation looking like Waldo had slept over at Freddy Krueger's house and needed to borrow something to wear the next morning. I'm sure Quick will look much better with that Silver Medal around his neck.

Somewhere in Milford, Connecticut... Jon Quick's mother sheds a tear.

Congrats to all the Los Angeles Kings who brought home medals and to Canada and the USA for putting on a Gold Medal game for the ages. Only 2 hours until the NHL Trade Deadline un-freezes... and all hell breaks loose.

As sports fans in Los Angeles, we all have shared experiences that we can never forget. For me, it's been Wayne Gretzky's Game 7 hat trick that sent the Kings to the Finals. Or Kirk Gibson limping to home plate to win Game 1 of the World Series. I wish I could have a Laker analogy to finish this (rule of 3's, people) but I don't really like basketball. But the big game today isn't just about a bunch of rabid sports fans watching their favorite local sports team... this is the Olympics. This is the world stage. And for all of our sarcasm and cynicism in regards to what's going on in the world today... for a few hours... it all goes away as people across North America and the world will get together to watch a game. 1 single game, winner takes all. People who have never seen a hockey game will turn on their tv's to watch... or be at a bar, hugging strangers when their country scores. And for one glorious Sunday in February... hockey will have the attention of the world. And then tomorrow... it's back to being below Nascar.

To celebrate this momentous occasion, I've put together an Olympic round-table discussion over at The Olympic Hockey Blog. It's filled with sarcasm and cynicism and you can see it here. To watch the game, I'll be venturing out of The Royal Half Headquarters to Capital City Sports Bar in Hollywood. If you are there, come by and say hi. I'll be the one on stilts wearing an Uncle Sam outfit.

Nailed it!

For the last few seasons, I've been an active participant in the NHL's Fan Face Off, which advertises itself as "a place where you can have your voice heard on the latest NHL player trade, the rules of the game or your favorite team's schedule." Or as I like to call it... "a free focus group for the NHL." But I take my role as free focus group member very seriously... and I always take the time to fill out their surveys and make sure that I'm constantly writing in "Anze Kopitar" as the best current player in the NHL. (If I didn't take it so seriously I would write in Teddy Purcell.) So imagine my surprise last week when I get the NHL Fan Face Off Olympic-themed survey and saw this:

49 names. And nere nary 1 of them a Los Angeles King.

Look, I'm realistic. I understand that the Los Angeles Kings aren't exactly household names across the NHL and with its fans. Maybe making it to the playoffs once in the last 6 seasons would change that. And I honestly would have been surprised to see Dustin Brown, Jack Johnson or Jon Quick listed here as a player that someone would be following during the Olympics. But with the media orgy that has been 20-Year-Old Drew Doughty this NHL season... you would have thought he'd make it on this list before... well, I don't know... Miroslav Satan or Marco Sturm?

Heck, you'd think Michal Handzus would make it on the list before Kimmo Timonen. (EDITOR NOTE: Did you know that Kimmo Timonen was actually drafted by the Kings in 1993 in the 10th round and was traded to the expansion Nashville Predators in 1998 for the guarantee that the Predators wouldn't draft Garry Galley in the Expansion Draft?) So who did I write in for the "Other Player" option? Why Anze Kopitar of course.

I guess the NHL Fan Face Off was just having an off survey this time around. Check out what showed up a few questions later...

Hmm, I'd have to go with "Not Applicable."

So, in the immortal words of Kanye West... the NHL doesn't care about the Kings.