So you've had a tough year. You lost the Gold Medal and your 3rd seeded team was upset in the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. So what do you do to unwind after a long year of hockey? Why, you head to Los Angeles' hippiest burger joint with your beautiful actress girlfriend. That's what you do!

Ryan Miller or Jay Baruchel?
You make the call!

Regular Royal Half reader and personal friend, Jill, attended her first NHL hockey game on January 18th, 2008, a thrilling 4-3 shootout win over the Dallas Stars at Staples Center. Since then, her love for the game has grown. But imagine my surprise when I got a text last Friday saying that she just saw Ryan Miller eating lunch in West Hollywood. And then when tipster Jill sent in the photos… well I knew I just had to let her tell the story in her own words. Take it away, Jill!

"I was so happy when I was asked to contribute to The Royal Half because somehow I think this brings me one step closer to being a legitimate hockey fan. Truth is I’m more of a fan by association. When two of your closest male friends are diehard Kings and Sabres fans you have to take an interest if you want to spend time with them during the season. My first ever hockey game was the Austin Ice Bats (worst name ever and I believe they no longer exist) and since then it’s been a couple of Houston Aeros games, 4 Kings games and a few TV viewings at Big Wangs. My love of hockey really began when the Royal Half invited me to one of my first Kings game and the Kings scored in the final minute of the 2nd period, which meant that everyone in the Staples center won a free McFlurry! [EDITORS NOTE: If the Kings score in the last minute of the 2nd period... everyone at Staples Center gets a coupon for a free small McFlurry... at a McDonalds outside Staples Center.] With a Kings victory and a free ice cream treat in hand, I knew this was a sport I could get behind."

I didn't have the heart to tell Jill she can simply make her own McFlurrys (McFlurries?) at home.

"So that brings me to the reason of my story… Ryan Miller. I knew a little bit about him from my Sabres friend but it was during the Winter Olympics that I really took notice of him. Seeing him play for America in one of the most exciting hockey games I had ever seen was enough for him to win a place in my heart. After the Olympics I started referring to him as my secret hockey boyfriend. Yes, I realize that there are many hotter hockey players that I could choose from but when he got choked up because they lost the gold, I just wanted to give him a big hug and tell him he did his best."

SO you can imagine my surprise when this last Friday I was having lunch with my co-workers at The Counter (new, hip LA hamburger joint on Sunset) when who do I see, but Ryan Miller!!  I was at an outside table and he was sitting at the counter inside. At first I kept thinking that he was so familiar that I must have gone to High School with him but then I realized it was my secret hockey boyfriend sitting less than 10 feet away from me!!   He was having lunch with his pretty girlfriend (for those of you like myself who can admit to watching bad romantic comedies, she was in the movie Ghosts of Girlfriends Past as Matthew McConaughey’s assistant) so I did what anyone would do and borrowed my co-worker’s camera and took pictures of him through the glass. I felt like some creepy paparazzi guy but I knew my hockey friends wouldn’t believe me without proof, plus I thought it might give me some hockey street cred. He was all smiles, looking relaxed and enjoying time with his lady. And that is when it occurred to me that Ryan must be out of the playoffs!  Poor Ryan – no gold medal and no Stanley Cup. But from the looks of it he’s not too torn up about it. He had a great year and earned my respect so he’ll forever be my secret hockey boyfriend."

Thanks to Jill for sending in the pics and re-telling her Encounter at The Counter with American Hero, Ryan Miller. If anyone else runs into Miller over the next few weeks in LA, please do be sure to send in photos… of his girlfriend.

It's Pundays at The Royal Half and that means we take a look back at the great puns featured on the NHL.com homepage over the past week. As the NHL heads into Round 2 of playoff hockey action the competition is getting more fierce... at creating the best puns!

I feel like NHL.com was holding back on this one. Why not go for it entirely?
"Dat's All Folks for Wile E Coyote."

This has to be one of the cooler nicknames out there.

On a total side note... does anyone know who came up with "The Big Pavelski" nickname first? I did a little research and found that this dude, Joe2Heatley, was the first to mention it in a twitter post on April 25th... even though I'm sure it's been around longer than that, right?

But the real story of last week was the 8th seeded Montreal Canadiens unbelievable 7 game upset of the #1 seeded Washington Capitals. The play of Canadiens goaltender, Jaroslav Halak, has been the talk of the hockey world (not to mention other Pundays) and when the Habs forced a Game 7 with a 4-1 victory in Game 6… NHL.com was in top form.

The Habs played their hearts out in their 2-1 Game 7 victory over the Capitals at the Verizon Center... but NHL.com on the other hand... phoned it in.

Blame it on the Ha-lak star. Blame it on the falling sky.
Blame it on the satellite that beams me home.

I really think the NHL missed a golden oppor-punity here with Halak's Game 7 victory. Over at the PHT Game 7 live chat, some better alternatives were tossed around.

But where the NHL.com pun machine might have failed on the Canadiens side... they hit a home run on the Capitals side.

As said by the fine folks at JeanShortsandBaggedMilk... 
"I hear Ovechkin is coming out with a new line of clothing called Elimin8ted."

We've added a Pundays sidebar to the site so you can check out any of the past Pundays features on The Royal Half. Until next week... may everyday be a pun day for you.

I think the fact that the Los Angeles Kings were playing playoff hockey for the first time in 8 years got me a bit more excited about playoff hockey than I've been the last say... oh... 8 years. I've really enjoyed watching the last few games of Round 1 and the first few games of Round 2. And tonight, the series I'm most excited about, the one between the Vancouver Canucks and the Chicago Blackhawks, begins in Chicago.

I hope every shift looks like this one.

As a Kings fan... I've thrown my allegiance to the Vancouver Canucks, based on the admiration I gained for this team during the first round series. But my only worry is seeing another team who hasn't won the Stanley Cup... winning it before the Kings do.

Sigh.

Check out the incomparable Benched Whale for all your Canucks wants, including their preview of Game 1. And check out the unmatched Blackhawks Down Low for all your Blackhawks needs, including their preview of Game 1. And as an extra special bonus to The Royal Half readers... check out MY thoughts on the Canucks as an opponent for the Blackhawks... right here.

Now imagine what Drew Doughty could have done had he been able to use BOTH his hands. That's right, it was revealed today that Norris Trophy Nominee and Future Staples Center Statue, Drew Doughty, hurt his little hand in Game 1 of the playoff series against the Vancouver Canucks.

“No, I’m not going to go to World Championships. I’ve got a banged-up injury here. My hand is messed up. I messed up my hand in that series, so I’m going to take off the World Championships. … Nothing big. We don’t know what it is yet. We have to get an MRI and stuff like that, so we’ll see what happens. It was Game 1 that it happened. I just kept playing on it. The more I play on it, the worse it gets, so that’s why I’m taking off World Championships.”

And in other news... Peter Harrold broke his wrist in Game 3 so that's why Randy Jones was re-inserted into the line-up. (Now you have your reason, LA Kings News!) WHAAAAAA! I BROKE MY WRIST! WHAAAAA! Get out there Harrold and play like a man... like 20 year old Drew Doughty! Drew may have revealed that the injury came in Game 1... but I think both you and I know how he really hurt his hand...

Oh... and when you do a Google search for "Drew Doughty Hand"... one of the first hits is a piece of "Fan Fiction"about Drew Doughty having a baby with some crazy woman who watched him play in Juniors. You kinda have to read it to believe it.

“You up for some one-on-one?” I asked smiling. He nodded and skated towards me. He bent down and set the puck at center ice for the face-off. He counted to three and pushed the puck to me. I took it gladly and skated to the net behind him. He easily took the puck when he lifted my stick and he started to my net. What he didn’t know was that when I played with Thomas and his friends I was always put on defense. Quickly catching up to him I resumed skating backwards and was able to take the puck off his stick when he was trying to deke me out. Putting on the speed I quickly skated around him and shot the puck into the net. I slowed down as I reached the icing line but was run into by a panting Drew. He had me pinned against the boards his hands on either side of me.

“Holy crap…where did you learn that?” He mumbled breathing heavily his voice gruff. I leaned up and whispered, “It’s the advantage of playing D ever since I was 4” into his ear. He moaned lightly and his hips moved forward. I could feel his breath on my neck and the butterflies erupted in my stomach. He ran his lips from my neck to my ear nibbling gently. Then he kissed my forehead, my nose, my cheeks, and my chin before pressing his lips to mine. He slid his tongue into my waiting mouth and our groans intermixed. When he pulled away the look in his eyes was full of love and no longer the heartbreak from the month before."

"Our Groans Intermixed" will now be the new name of every band I'm in.

As the action gets more intense during the NHL playoffs… so do the puns at the main page of NHL.com. Here at The Royal Half, we get tons of email each week that asks:

"Hey, Royal Half, what exactly makes a great NHL.com pun?"

Well, for me, the perfect NHL.com pun is a blend of the sheer exhilaration of the sport of hockey... with the ornate flair of pop culture relativeness. And this weeks "Pun of the Week" may be the best example of this yet.

Top 3 Rejected Headlines:

1) 2nd Round? Fuhgeddaboudit!
2) Jersey Washed Ashore
3) The Real Golf Courses of New Jersey

Even though this screengrab comes from a time when the 2nd seeded New Jersey Devils still thought they had a chance to beat the 7th seeded Philadelphia Flyers… it doesn't change the beauty of the pun. Plus, if you look just over the left shoulder of Zach Parise, you'll see Lardass Hogan from Stand By Me. I've been wondering that that guy has been up to! Kudos to the team at NHL.com for another stellar week of puns.

---

Things have been pretty busy around The Royal Half during the month of April. So we wanted to make sure you didn't miss any of the great (well, we think they are great) articles that have been posted during this hectic playoff month for the Los Angeles Kings. Now that the Kings have been eliminated, you may find yourself with some extra time to do some reading.

There was an ode to the Kings clinching a playoff spot for the first time in 8 years.

Our 1st Annual ScreenGrab Contest (to which a winner still needs to be declared!)

We tracked the progress of Fox Sports West HD's "See What Develops" ad campaign over the course of a season.

Blogger Fake Chris Kontos sat down with LA Kings Playoff Legend, Chris Kontos.

We took an amazing trip behind enemy lines to Vancouver for Game 2 of the playoffs.

And we took a look back at 2+ years of Drew Doughty coverage at The Royal Half.

Even though it's really from March, it's always time for History Will Be Made - Marty McSorley.

And just like that… it's over. All the yelling, all the screaming, cursing, celebrating, cheering… it just ends in the flash of a second. The Los Angeles Kings 2009-2010 season is over. And what was the most important lesson I learned? What a playoff rally towel is really used for.

Kings 2, Canucks 4, Season Over

Sure, it's been tough being a fan of the Los Angeles Kings the last 8 years (heck, the last 42 years.) But this 6 game playoff elimination at the hands of the Vancouver Canucks can only give fans of the Kings something to actually look forward to for once. This team… this franchise... has been rebuilt from top to bottom. After getting 101 points this season, the Kings can come back in the fall and be even better than before. But what really was the lesson learned from this past season? Simple… Playoff Hockey is amazing.

Check out The Royal Half's last game recap of the 2009-2010 season… after the jump!!!

A mere hours away from gametime, a few Los Angeles Kings Hockey Bloggers have been responding to the great RudyKelly's Game 6 Questionnaire. So I figure... if I can't be as funny as RudyKelly... I can at least copy him, right?

Am I disappointed with the way they've played this series?  
Game 5 was a blowout that can happen in any series (See Detroit losing 5-2 at home to Phoenix today as an example.) The only game I've been disappointed with was the 3rd period meltdown in Game 4. If Luongo doesn't make that amazing save in Game 1, this series could have been over by now.

Do I wish the Kings had called up Jonathan Bernier?  
No effin' way. This is Quick's season. Bernier gets his chance next year.

Do I wish Randy Jones were shot into the Sun?  
I don't know if that technology is available but I would rather have Peter Harrold out there, yes.

Is Randy Jones the reason the Kings have lost any one game?  
Yeah, right. I wish you could pinpoint playoff losses on one player.

Is Terry Murray just an average in-game coach? 
Average in-game? Sure. But look at the work he has done over two seasons to see how good of a coach he is; Kopitar's transition to a defensively responsible player as well as the leaps forward Wayne Simmonds and Brad Richardson have taken this season.

Does he deserve anything but adulation for his overall performance this season? 
Don't forget that the Kings finished 9th overall in the league. Why shouldn't Coach Murray get consideration for the Jack Adams Award?

Has this been the best season since 1992-93?
Yes.

Do I have any regrets spending countless hours writing about a hockey team on the internet? 
It was a hell of a lot easier when this team sucked, I'll tell you that.

Do I want the Kings to win tonight? 
Want? Of course. Need? Yes.

Will I be devastated if they lose? 
No. I've been a Kings fan for 20+ years. I'd be devastated if they won the Stanley Cup.

Am I proud of this team? 
Yes. And seeing the way Staples Center has lit up during this playoffs makes me even prouder of its fans.

Would I change anything about this season?
Not one thing. Sports are the ultimate reality show... you don't get to change a thing.

So there you have it. If you so desire, you can answer Rudy's questions in the comments. I'm leaving for Staples Center in a few minutes to watch Game 6 of Round 1 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. It's win or go home. And whenever I see a team in that situation, I can only think of this.

Go get 'em, boys. Take those Twinkies down.

I kind of had a hockey panic attack leading up to start of Game 6. The nerd hockey blogger in me wanted to stay home alone to watch the game so I could study every possible frame and have a live chat with Blogger Buddy™ Benched Whale. But the other, more outgoing and less nerd-hockey-bloggerier part of me realized that it's been 8 years since the Los Angeles Kings have been in the NHL playoffs, let alone an important Game 6. And that in sports fandom, having a shared experience with complete strangers over your favorite team can be something really special. So after receiving some sage advice, I headed to my favorite Los Angeles Sports Bar, Capitol City, to watch Game 6 of the Kings and Vancouver Canucks. And if I had know if was going to be this piece of shit… I would have stayed home.

Kings 2, Canucks 7

So I was able to watch the Kings get their ass whooped with a few friends and a few fellow Kings fans. And I fully understand what the expression "misery loves company" truly means after last nights experience. But the highlight of the night had to be this.

Dear Penthouse, so there I was in a sports bar... and in walked 4 Canucks fans.

It's one bad game out of a possible 7. There is no need to panic... there is certainly no need to bring Jon Bernier up from Manchester to start Game 6. All that's needed is some motivation for the Kings to come back to Los Angeles and play their hearts out on Sunday to force a Game 7. Oh look!

You are a superstar, O'Brien.

Shane O'Brien, it's okay if you want to pretend you are Tie Domi after a big win in a fight… but make sure you actually have a big win in a fight first. But most of all… don't make Murray angry!

“Are you talking specifically about O’Brien acting like a clown after the fight?” Murray said... But you don’t need to rub it in at the end of the fight, skating around with your hands in the air acting like the clown that he is.”

RudyKelly at Battle of California lists 10 things that are worse than Ryan Smyth. (Listen... I'm the biggest Ryan Smyth fan around… but he's injured or something. He's playing like total ass.) And Benched Whale doesn't hold back with their headline "Canucks Destroy The Kings." Whatever, Benched Whale... I thought we were friends!

The Kings have everything to prove on Sunday at 6pm. They can show how mature of a team they are by forgetting this debacle and coming out to play like the team they know they can be. The Royal Half will be there… and oh my fucking god this could be the last Kings game of the 2009-2010 season.

You would think that the biggest news in the Los Angeles Kings' world today would be the important Game 5 against the Vancouver Canucks that goes down tonight at 7pm. But no, instead everyone is talking about the announcement that 20 year old Drew Doughty has been nominated for the Norris Trophy, the annual award for being the NHL's best defenseman... also known as the Nicklas Lidstrom award.

Yup, this guy is one of the NHL's best defenseman.

Drew is the youngest to be nominated for the Norris since this guy was in 1968.

I have a feeling that Drew read Boys' Life growing up. And still does.

And of course, Drew Doughty is the first Kings defenseman to be nominated for a Norris Trophy since this guy won it in 1998.

Wait... are they saying "BOOO" or "DREEW"???

I thought that I would take a look back at some of the things I said about an 18 year old Drew Doughty during his first season with the Kings... back at the old Royal Half Blogspot blog. (Mainly because I've been too lazy to transfer everything over to here.) To see what this humble blogger said about Drew Doughty from the early days... check it out after the jump!!!

I really don't know if I can handle too much more of this. It's been 1 week since the Los Angeles Kings started their first playoff series in 8 years, and I've travelled 2000 miles, seen 3 of the 4 games in person and have been in a constant state of panic and excitement the whole time. Being at the Staples Center last night was a mixture of leaping up and down while slamming my hand on the glass partition behind me… followed a few minutes later by slumping down in my seat while pulling my hat down over my eyes. Then, I'd repeat these motions. Then I'd repeat them again. That is the rollercoaster ride I was on last night. Playoff hockey is the greatest and worst thing you could ever wish on someone.

I think Friday night the Kings should start the game by doing this to Sedin.
(Awesome image from The Internet Trashcan)

Kings 4, Canucks 6, Series: Best of 3

What can you really say? That Kings team was as dominate as I've seen them be all season during the first period and a half. Instead of coming out hitting like they did last game, Vancouver was the hittee this time and again the Kings dared the Canucks to take a penalty. But then in the 3rd... the youth and inexperience caught up with the Kings and the Canucks showed just how good they could be. I seriously cannot wait for Friday night. To get an idea of what the pre-game festivities looked like last night at Staples Center... check it out after the jump!