Every now and then, the pun headline writers at NHL.com will come up with something so original, so amazing, so genius… that all you can really do is read the headline, lean back in your chair and mutter to yourself… "well, I'll be."

Why do I feel like this song was in heavy rotation at NHL.com HQ this particular night.

Click here to check out the best and worst NHL.com pun headlines from the past week!!!

Wow, that was one ugly hockey game. I'm sure the Los Angeles Kings coaching staff can't be too pleased with the 6-4 victory over the Colorado Avalanche, but any fan of hockey had to enjoy this barnburner. But with all the hat tricks, butt-ends to the balls and other crazy things to happen in last night's game, the most interesting stat to come of out the game was this one:

"Kings forward Alexei Ponikarovsky now has 1 goal all-time on nights that Ilya Kovalchuk is a healthy scratch."

"Oh, thank god I finally scored. Now Kings fans everywhere
will realize I am a suitable alternative to signing Ilya Kovalchuk."

And with Brad Richardson scoring his first NHL hat trick, he'd have to make the front page of NHL.com with a clever pun like "Rich With Goals" right? Right? RIGHT?!?

Well, at least it was for a good cause.
And they could have at least put Richardson in the photo.
That good looking man gets no respect.

The Wild, Blackhawks and Stars 3 of the next 4 nights on the road. Well, this should be fun.

Man, what a bunch of losers! No, I'm not talking about the pathetic effort the Los Angeles Kings put forth last night in Phoenix, losing 4-1 in front of what seemed to look like 800 people. If you want a recap (why in the hell would anyone want to relive last nights game?!?), go here or here. No, the people I'm talking about are the beautiful losers of the Brian Willsie Invitational Loser League.

My work coffee mug.

Click here to check out who is the Biggest Loser this week!!!

What has a thick Boston accent, is creepy, likes to sing adult humor songs with dirty lyrics and gets scored on repeatedly?

Red Peters!

Kings 4, Hurricanes 3

Sure the Los Angeles Kings won their 3rd game in a row, are tied for 2nd in Western Conference and played an overall sloppy game that they ended up winning thanks to clutch goaltending in the last 5 minutes and a lucky goal from a rookie… but the real story here for the Kings has been the battle the last few games for which defenseman will stay in the lineup once Matt Greene returns this week, Jake Muzzin or Davis Drewiske. Thankfully, Erik Cole answered that question tonight with his hit on Drew Doughty… both of them stay in the lineup!!!

The spot shadow is not there to highlight so much the hit,
but rather the exact moment in time when Kings fans across the country said "fuck."

Click here to read the rest of The Royal Half Recap!!!

I know that the headline writers over at NHL.com are really pushing the envelope this season with their pun headlines… but I'm really surprised Gary Bettman let this one slide by.

EDITORS NOTE: This is in no way an actual NHL.com headline. This is the work of Indiana Matt.
And we finally made the front page. It's about time!

Click here to check out the best and worst NHL.com pun headlines from the past week!!!

Ok, poll time. Everyone here who thinks the Los Angeles Kings are for real this year please raise your hand.

Kings 4, Canucks 1, Hopes of Kings Fans, Sky High

Yes, it's only 4 games into the season. But the Kings put on quite a display Friday night against our new rival, the Vancouver Canucks. And Captain Dustin Brown is now making the team salute the fans after each victory. It's about fuckin' time the team starting recognizing that us fans are the difference. We've been sitting here patiently for the last 8 years waiting for them to say something nice to us. The image of my favorite hockey team raising their sticks in the air after a great early season victory is something that will stay in my mind for long while. But there is one image that could easily replace it.

This one.

The only thing better than watching one of my least favorite NHL goalies get lit up by my favorite NHL team would be the ability to urinate on him.

And the only thing better than pissing on my least favorite NHL goalie would be the ability to take a leak on my least favorite NHL twins.

Nope, not Peter and Chris Ferraro.

Not Joel and Henrik Lundqvist either.

Okay, maybe Rich and Ron Sutter.

Again, people may say that Los Angeles hockey fans don't know much about the game. But then you go to take a piss during the 1st and 2nd period and there lies an opponent themed urinal target. Carolina comes into Staples on Wednesday but I highly doubt anyone would take the time to put together a Patrick O'Sullivan urinal target.

Over the summer McSwarley came to me and said "Half, what if we create a fantasy hockey league where the goal is not to be the winner... but rather to be the loser. You would assemble a team of the most awful full-time NHL players and try to get the least amount of points over the course of a season." I looked McSwarley right back in the eye and said "Only if we can name it after Brian Willsie, one of the 10 worst Los Angeles Kings of all time." We then shook hands, took a shot of whiskey and headed back to our respective parents' basements. And with that moment… The Brian Willsie Invitational was created.

This truly is the search for the Biggest Loser.

Click here to see how the competition is heating up in the Brian Willsie Invitational Loser League!

I know that Coach Murray has made a commitment this season to resting his young goaltender, Jon Quick, as much as possible. But I think his plan of resting the entire Los Angeles Kings for the 1st 2 periods of each game is a little ridiculous.

"Hey Kopi, I know you got hit pretty hard by that stick...
but you remember there are THREE periods in each game, right?"

Kings 1 Period, 3 Goals, Thrashers 3 Periods, 1 Goal

I have no problem with the Kings being able to phone it in for 2 periods and then have Old Man Ryan Smyth decide he wants to make it home in time to watch Golden Girl re-runs and quickly become the leading scorer of the team in 20 minutes. The Kings team that came out in the 3rd period was the exact team all Kings fans have been hoping would show up this season. But while you may be able to pull it off against the Atlanta Thrashers... you ain't gonna be able to play like that against most of the teams in the Western Conference. Okay, maybe the Ducks. But at the end of the day, it wasn't about the Kings effort against some fringe team from the Eastern Conference... it was the 2010-2011 home opener... and you know what that means? Party like a rock star in front of Staples!!!

Because nothing screams passionate hockey fan like a Solar Powered Block Party!!!
Hollah!!!!

Click here to check out all the fun from the Los Angeles Kings Home Opener!!!

Myself and Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy are on our way to Staples Center for the Los Angeles Kings home opener. But check out a couple of Royal Half news-worthy items before you sit down to watch the game tonight.

This was from last week, but the good folks at Fantasy Hockey Scouts asked for my thoughts on the upcoming season. Boy, I sure nailed that Scott Parse prediction, right? Yeah, I think last year was my fantasy prediction contract year.

The always hysterical Barry Melrose Rocks asked me to talk about why I hate all things Northern Californian. There is some great work here on teams you love to hate for both the Western Conference and the Eastern Conference.

And The Royal Half is going to be on the radio! Well, the internet radio. The guys over at Blue Line Hockey Chicago have asked me to be a guest around 5:40pm (Pacific Time) to chat about the Kings... while I'm at the home opener festivities! I'll post the archive once it's up but you can listen live at SportsTown Chicago.

And finally, just because. Indiana Matt has struck again.

It's simple. Kill the Thrasher.