What's the most important thing I learned from watching the NBC Sports Network's debut of "Mike Richards NHL36" last night?

That it's someone's job to change out the dressing room nameplates
depending on which jersey the LA Kings are wearing that night.

Out of all the NHL36 series so far, I found last night's edition following Mike Richards for the 36 hours before his game with the Phoenix Coyotes to be the most interesting. And it really showed me that Mike Richards is the kind of guy who wears his passion for his team on his sleeve.

Well, at least he's a fan of winning teams. Right, Drew Doughty?

The show spent the majority of time giving viewers an intimate look into the life of Mike Richards off the ice.

Look, I love Mike Richards as much as the next guy...
but when do we start talking about how every time he's on TV,
Richards is wearing something that basically says "Redneck Rebellion."

NHL36 also provided an intimate look into Mike Richards home life. 

Like literally... that's his house. And I'd have to think it'd be pretty easy to find now.
I just wish there was an easier way to know exactly where Mike Richards lives.

The female fan base in Los Angeles thanks you, NBC Sports Network.

NHL36 also gave us a preview of an upcoming new series for HBO.

Worst. Episode. Of Entourage. Ever.
I'm not calling out anyone's masculinity... but I love that Drew Doughty has a white iPhone.

While Richards, Drew Doughty and Trevor Lewis were scarfing down some spicy tuna crispy rice, they had time to participate in one of the LA Kings most popular hazing practices...

Making Andrei Loktionov eat by himself.

But how much footage of Drew Doughty eating sushi with Mike Richards can you really watch? NHL36 also gave us an in-depth look into the Los Angeles Kings organization.

Would you like something to read?
Do you have anything light?
How about this leaflet, "LA Kings Hall of Famers?

NHL36 also took the time to talk with Kings GM, Dean Lombardi, about the impact Mike Richards has had on his team not scoring at all this season and probably putting his job in jeopardy.

Seriously, what local community service award did they have to
drag out of the closet to put in the background of this interview set?
Cause that sure as hell ain't any Pacific Division Champion trophy. 

In addition to the hardcore hockey fan, the purpose of the NHL36 series to open up the game to newer fans, especially women. And it seems like NBC Sports Network knows how to appeal to that target audience well.

By showing video of Jon Bernier eating breakfast.

Oceans 14 and Oceans 10.

Only one man can make stripes and patterns play as well together as Jordan Nolan and Dwight King.

For me, a big mystery was solved while watching NHL36 Wednesday night.

Why, yes... Mike Richards does have awful tattoos.

You have to give it to the film crew of NHL36. While it may not be as well-produced or as intimate a look as HBO's 24/7 series is... the producers of NHL36 were able to quickly figure out Darryl Sutter's best side for the camera.

Perfect.

And finally... for all you schoolgirl fetish-types out there...

Mike Richards in knee high socks.

While the NHL36 featuring Mike Richards might have been a hit with the fans... losing the same night to the Colorado Avalanche doesn't have quite the same appeal. I wish there was some way to visually represent what it feels like to be a LA Kings hockey fan the last couple weeks.

Hmm.. almost there.

Nailed it.

The latest "All The Kings Men" Podcast is out. This weeks episode features Podmaster General Jesse Cohen chatting about the past week in LA Kings hockey with myself, Matt Reitz from View from My Seats as well as Matt from Life in Hockeywood. You can check it out here or subscribe to it on iTunes here. You can also listen to the most recent All The Kings Men episode below:

TUESDAY

Game #60

LA KINGS
27-21-11
65 pts, 9th in Western Conference
vs
PHOENIX COYOTES
29-21-9
63 pts, 7th in Western Conference

Kings Lead Season Series  (3-2)

7:00pm, Jobing.com Arena
Phoenix, AZ

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOG:
Five For Howling
Hipchecks
Yotesgurl

WEDNESDAY

Game #61

LA KINGS
27-21-11
65 pts, 9th in Western Conference
vs
COLORADO AVALANCHE
29-27-4
62 pts, 11th in Western Conference

Colorado Leads Season Series (3-0)

6:00pm, Pepsi Center
Denver, CO

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
Jibblescribbits
Hockey Without Oxygen
Mile High Hockey
Bad Altitude Hockey

On February 18th, 2012... the following quote appeared on the front page of The Royal Half:

"Until the LA Kings score a goal, I'm only doing two things on this blog:

1) Posting screengrabs of Darryl Sutter looking like a monkey
2) Posting screengrabs of Mike Richards dressed like a hipster"

Here is the source for that monkey picture
lest you think I manipulated it.

Okay... Mike Richards isn't dressed like a hipster here.

But you gotta admit... he's come a long way.
Right, Kyle Clifford? 

Game #59

LA KINGS
27-20-11
65 pts, 8th in Western Conference
vs
CALGARY FLAMES
27-22-9
63 pts, 9th in Western Conference

Darryl Sutter is tied with Brent Sutter in Season Series 1-1

7:00pm, Staples Center
Los Angeles, CA

BIGGEST KINGS FREE AGENT ACQUISITION TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
Matchsticks and Gasoline
Book of Loob
Dome Beers
Flames Nation

Via everyone on the internet today:

DARRYL SUTTER ON DUSTIN PENNER'S RETURN TO THE LINEUP:
“It’s not just giving him another shot. He’s a veteran. He better step up to the plate. It’s very simple. He went out of the lineup because he was horseshit, so he’d better step up to the plate or he might not get another look. It’s simple. When we preach work and those things, and everybody does it, then he better do it.”

You think he's messing around?

If I'm Dustin Penner... I play the game of my life tonight. Otherwise I think we all know where Dustin Penner will be next season.

Sports Memorabilia conventions signing bottles of Aunt Jemima.

Yup.

Until the LA Kings score a goal, I'm only doing two things on this blog:

1) Posting screengrabs of Darryl Sutter looking like a monkey

2) Posting screengrabs of Mike Richards dressed like a hipster

They say a picture is worth 1000 words. Well a song is worth 7.8 million over 6 years.

Music by Hall & Oates
Lyrics by The Royal Half & Jersey Brian
Vocals by Felander Stevenson & The Royal Half Singers

Now available as a free download so you can listen on the go! Just click here.

Game #57

LA KINGS
27-19-11
65 pts, 7th in Western Conference
vs
PHOENIX COYOTES
27-21-9
63 pts, 8th in Western Conference 

Kings Lead Season Series  (3-1)

7:30pm, Staples Center
Los Angeles, CA

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOG:
Five For Howling
Hipchecks
Yotesgurl

The Los Angeles Kings are fighting hard for a bottom 4 playoff spot, are last in the league in scoring, have a healthy scratch debacle with Dustin Penner and are starting two rookies on the 2nd line against a hot team from Phoenix that is 2 points behind the Kings. Why yes, Los Angeles Kings management... it's the perfect time to announce a raise in the cost of season tickets!

A club spokesman said some seats will decrease by $5.50 to $12 and others will increase by as little as 50 cents to as much as $13 per game. The "blended" increase will be 9% for those who renew by the March 24 deadline and 11% for those who renew afterward or are new buyers.

Via Spike Coffman, the Producer of The Fourth Period Radio Show on Sirius/XM Home Ice, here is the updated seating chart for the 2012-2013 season.

The Kings may shoot twice, but there is no guarantee they score.

If you notice, there is a tiny light blue strip around the first few rows of the 300 sections that differs from the current season seating chart. Apparently, that is the area being hit the hardest by the increase in ticket prices but overall the ticket prices for the Kings are on the lower side in the NHL. Kings fan Eddie Resendez, who sits in this new light blue section, is seeing his tickets go from $22.50 each this season to $35 next. Eddie sits in Section 309, which if you look at the map above, is just about the furthest section away you can sit from where the Kings shoot twice. For those of you scoring at home that is a $537 total increase on his seats from last season. 

It feels like I'm right there!

For me and my Half-Season Ticket Holder Buddy... our seats go up 3 dollars each per game if we renew our Half-Season Ticket Package by March 24th. Which to be honest... is kinda insulting. I always felt like we had really good seats but now I'm starting to feel... well... worthless. I guess I should feel a little bit better that if I don't renew before the March 24th deadline, my seats go up $9.50 for each ticket. But I feel like everyone else is getting their ticket prices increased by a franchise that has 2 playoff appearances in the last 8 seasons much more than I am. And as a Half-Season Ticket Holder I'm not even able to get all the benefits that come with this increase in pricing. That's right, if you are a Full-Season Los Angeles Kings Season Ticket Holder and you renew your seats by the early bird date of March 13th... you get a special surprise!

So let me get this straight... if I renew my seats by March 13th, a good month before this team will have a playoff spot locked up, I get a medallion that will commemorate the 45 years of futility that this franchise has suffered. SIGN ME UP, BITCHES!!!

Aww... don't be sad about the new ticket prices, Dustin.
You'll still get paid. Even if you get traded to Columbus.

I'm going to renew my Half-Season Tickets no matter what. Why? Because I'm an asshole who loves going to Los Angeles Kings games and cheering for this team no matter what. I've been doing it for 20+ years so why would I stop now? But for other, less rich fans, this has got to be a huge slap in the face from a franchise who isn't just struggling to score goals... but also struggling to spell correctly. In the most recent "Teammates" article on LAKings.com, Jordan Nolan and Dwight King are asked to answer the same questions. And I'm pretty sure in a move to cut costs... they also had Jordan Nolan and Dwight King edit the article.

When this article posted early Wednesday morning, Dwight King and Jordan Nolan had just finished their streak dinner and were on their way to see Goodwill Hunting at the local move theatre.

A few minutes later, after a fan on Twitter had noticed the spelling errors, the food of choice for Nolan and King had been corrected, but the other errors remained in place. And then... a mere 8 seconds apart:

And finally, late Wednesday evening, the Teammates article received one more edit:

Good Will Hunting will never get the respect it deserves.

There is another mistake in this Teammates article... there is no way in hell Jordan Nolan's favorite player in the NHL is Todd Bertuzzi. I feel like they asked Jordan's dad that question by mistake.

Jesse from The Hockeywood Insider fame has started a new LA Kings podcast called All The Kings Men. And it looks like I'm going to be a regular guest on the new podcast every Thursday morning. The latest one is posted and you can check it out here. It's chock full of great talk about the Los Angeles Kings featuring myself, Jesse, Matt from Life in Hockeywood and Dennis Bernstein from The Fourth Period. There hasn't been this many Jews talking hockey since Mathieu Schneider's family reunion. 

Oy vey, the Kings!

Listen to All The Kings Men Podcast below:

Dustin Penner better eat up at his Pancakes with Penner charity event Monday morning... because with the way Jordan Nolan and Dwight King played over the weekend, this could be Dustin Penner's last supper as a Los Angeles King.

Much like it was for da Vinci, this could be Indiana Matt's greatest work.
Check out a high-rez version here.

Click Here to Read the Rest of The Royal Half Recap!!!

Game #56

LA KINGS 
26-19-10
62 pts, 7th in Western Conference
vs
NEW YORK ISLANDERS
22-23-8
52 pts, 14th in Eastern Conference

10:00am (!), Nassau Memorial Coliseum
Uniondale, NY

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
Islanders Point Blank
Lighthouse Hockey
Islanders Hockey Blog

SUNDAY

Game #57

LA KINGS 
26-19-10
62 pts, 7th in Western Conference
vs
DALLAS STARS
28-23-3
59 pts, 9th in Western Conference

Dallas Leads Season Series 3-2

3:00pm, American Airline Arena
Dallas, TX

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
Defending Big D
Stars of Big D 

BEST OPPOSITION TO FOLLOW ON TWITTER:
DamnitJason
(Because he loves Dustin Brown's game)

I'm not so worried about the two rookies who will be lining up next to Mike Richards in the game against the New York Islanders. Or the fact that one of Dean Lombardi's Trading Deadline bargaining chips is injured. Or that Alex Martinez is playing instead of Slava Voynov. Or that the Kings are losing their grip on a Playoff spot in the West. No... I'm worried that in one year, Jon Quick is going to say "screw you guys" and head to a team on the East Coast. Why am I worried? Because look at all the fun Jon Quick had the last time he hung out with Brother-in-Law Matt Moulson on the East Coast... at Quick's wedding!

Pretty sure that's either the funky chicken or the electric slide. Or maybe both.

Seriously, what wedding photographer doesn't cut out all that headroom?
And I'm not talking about Matt Moulson's eyebrows.

Please... just keep Jordan Nolan far, far, far away from Jon Quick's wife.

Hey, Coach Sutter! How many games has your team won on this 10 day, 6 game road trip?

PANTHERS 3, KINGS 1
KINGS FANS... FREAKIN' THE FUCK OUT

You look like I feel, Dustin Brown.

You look like I feel, Jon Quick.

Okay... you look WAY worse than I could ever feel, Darryl Sutter.

You look like you don't care, Drew Doughty.

I feel the same way about this game too, Kevin Dineen.

Are you there Dean? It's me, Anze.
I need help. 

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over these trade winds that are blowing.

So the Los Angeles Kings lost 2-0 to the Florida Panthers on a night that Phoenix and Dallas won, huh?

Rats.

Game #55

LA KINGS 
26-18-10
62 pts
7th in Western Conference
vs
FLORIDA PANTHERS
24-17-11
59 pts
9th in Eastern Conference

Kings Lead Season Series 1-0

4:30pm, Bank Atlantic Center
Tampa Bay, FL

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOG:
Litter Box Cats

It's time to play America's (and certain parts of Canada) new favorite Game Show!!!

WHO! DOES! SIMON GAGNE! HAVE! MORE! POINTS! THAN!?!

Since suffering an "upper body injury" on December 26th, 2011, Kings forward and Top 6 off-season acquisition Simon Gagne hasn't played one game. In fact, he's missed 18. And while Simon Gagne being out with an injury shouldn't have been a shock to most hockey fans, the LA Kings' offense has missed his scoring potential greatly... forcing Mike Richards to skate with Jarret Stoll as his winger for most of the season. The only impact Simon Gagne has now on the LA Kings is the salary cap mobility he provides if the Kings decide they should need to acquire an scoring forward at the Trade Deadline that can... you know... actually score. Since going down with his injury, Simon Gagne has vowed to grow a beard until he's ready to skate again... and this photo of Gagne surfaced early this week.

So, nearly 8 weeks after Simon Gagne suffered his concussion upper-body injury... where does he rank on the LA Kings stat sheet?

That's right... Simon Gagne is 7th overall in scoring for the Los Angeles Kings.

Everyone together... WHO! DOES! SIMON GAGNE! HAVE! MORE! POINTS! THAN!?!

But let's be reasonable... Willie Mitchell and Rob Scuderi and Colin Fraser aren't supposed to have more points than Simon Gagne in any universe. So let's re-focus that list:

Personally... I think Jarret Stoll has been playing with some sort of hand injury all season that could be related to the arthritis he suffered two seasons ago. If you watch him during the game he hardly attempts any shots, it's strictly pass or dump first. Tell me, when is the last time you saw Jarret Stoll wind up and take a slap shot? And we all know what Dustin Penner's excuse has been this season. Instead of hoping that Simon Gagne provides cap relief so Dean Lombardi can grossly overpay for Tuomo Ruutu, maybe we should be hoping that Gagne makes it back in time for the end of the season so he can provide some offense. Which quite honestly... is just as much a pipe dream as Marco Sturm playing in tonight's game.

Man, I wish I really made these towels.

LIGHTNING 1, KINGS 3,
ANDREI LOKTIONOV'S LAST NAME 0

I mean... there is an official NHL pronunciation guide, Rick Peckham. Use it.

I wrote this 1 hour and 30 minutes before the game started Tuesday night.

Seriously... have you ever seen the English language murdered like this before?

Someday we are all going to find out that Darryl Sutter was drunk for every single game behind the bench.