TRH Recap 48: Smell the Glove

Written by The Royal Half on .

I was really impressed with the maturity level I saw during Thursday night's broadcast of the Los Angeles Kings game against the Calgary Flames. Fox Sports West HD did not fill the entire broadcast with mindless chatter about Darryl Sutter and Brent Sutter coaching against each other for the 2nd time.

No, instead they focused on the Sons of the Sutter Brothers.

Anyone have photos of Darryl and Brent's wives?
Because I'm pretty sure Brett and Brandon got their looks from their moms.

The broadcast also featured the Sutter Brothers who decided to rebel and not play hockey.
Or maybe these are the Avett Brothers. I'm not sure.

Who are we kidding? Of course Fox Sports West HD couldn't help themselves.

I can't think of anything funnier to write than what is already in this picture.

"Hey Scuds... did you know that this is only the..."

"I swear to god, Drew. If you tell me one more time that this is only the 2nd time
Darryl and Brent Sutter have coached against each other... I will punch you in the face." 

FLAMES 2, KINGS 1 (SO) BIG FUCKING SURPRISE

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TRH Gameday 48 - Calgary Flames: Our Idiot Brothers

Written by The Royal Half on .

Game #48

LA Kings 
(23-15-9, 11th in NHL)
vs
Calgary Flames
(21-20-6, 21th in NHL)

7:30pm, Staples Center
Los Angeles, CA

BEST BROTHERS TO COACH EITHER TEAM:

BEST BROTHER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOG:
Matchsticks and Gasoline
Book of Loob
Dome Beers
Flames Nation

Hey, did you guys know that Darryl Sutter and Brent Sutter were brothers and coached against each other for the first time last Saturday?

    

Way to get Darryl's record with the Kings correct there, HNIC.

Hey, did you guys know that former LA King Mike Cammalleri got traded back to the Calgary Flames?

Hey, did you guys know that Dustin Penner likes pancakes?

So is Gene Principe the Carrot Top of Canada sideline reporters?

Hey, did you guys know that the boys at Kingscast are really, really funny?

I would have added "Boy, what a Stanley Cup parade, huh?"

Tonight is Darryl Sutter's 15th game as the Head Coach of the Los Angeles Kings. And this is why the fans are starting to love him. From Rich Hammond:

Sutter, known as a hard-nosed player during eight seasons as a forward for the Chicago Blackhawks, was asked about Hall’s accident and players going without helmets and came up with this gem…

SUTTER: “They can wear wigs and sunglasses. I don’t care, as long as they’re ready."

Obviously, Darryl Sutter doesn't know his LA Kings history.

 

TRH Recap 47: The Win Suits Him

Written by The Royal Half on .

Who cares about Dustin Penner scoring his first goal in 17 games?!? One of our T-Shirts was featured in the latest KingsVision video about the LA Kings Meet The Players party!!!

We have no idea who you are... but we love you.

Sadly... this was only the 2nd best T-Shirt featured in Tuesday nights game between the Los Angeles Kings and the Vancouver Canucks...

We have no idea who you are Sedin Sisters T-shirt Guy... but we love you.
And so does Anze Kopitar. 

CANUCKS 2, KINGS 3 (SO)

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TRH Gameday 47 - Vancouver Canucks: Band of Brothers

Written by The Royal Half on .

Game #47

LA Kings
(22-15-9, 11th in NHL)
vs
Vancouver Canucks
(28-15-3, 6th in NHL)

Season Series Tied 1-1

7:00pm, Rogers Arena
Vancouver, BC

BEST SUTTER BROTHER TO PLAY FOR THE VANCOUVER CANUCKS:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOG THAT I'VE ATTENDED A PLAYOFF GAME WITH IN PERSON:
Benched Whale

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
Canucks Army
Nucks Misconduct
Pucked in the Head
 Pass It to Bulis

After all the hoopla over the fact that Brent Sutter couldn't beat his brother in a head to head matchup... the Vancouver Canucks are employing an interesting strategy tonight in an effort to beat Darryl Sutter and his Los Angeles Kings in regulation.

They've hired all the Sutter Brothers as Head Coach.

Announcing the newest T-Shirt Design from Indiana Matt:

Perfect for Breakfast in Bed.

You can see all of our T-Shirts at The Royal Half Gift Shoppe and read more about them here. And with 0 goals in 17 games... it's the perfect occasion to celebrate the launch of these new shirts with a little Penner Point game!!!

The rules are still simple. Just guess the exact time and period that Dustin Penner scores his 3rd goal of the season tonight against the Canucks... and you win a free t-shirt from The Royal Half Gift Shoppe. AND AS AN EXTRA SPECIAL BONUS... The Royal Half will give you a $25 gift card to IHOP. You can put your predictions in the comments below or reply to me on Twitter with #PennerPoint. Good luck!

TRH Recap 45/46: Oh, Brother!

Written by The Royal Half on .

Hey, did you guys know that Darryl Sutter and Brent Sutter were brothers and coached against each other for the first time Saturday night??? Apparently, Canada did.

Maybe "gripping" and Darryl Sutter shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm just amazed that people still use newspapers.

No seriously... did you know that Darryl and Brent Sutter were brothers and were coaching against each other for the first time?!? Fox Sports West HD certainly did.

Before the game, both Darryl and Brent Sutter held press conferences to reiterate that they were brothers and coaching each other for the first time.


Forget about the First Family of Hockey...
they are more like the First Family of Ugly.

Let's just say if you were playing a drinking game that every time Fox Sports West HD showed a shot of Darryl Sutter and Brent Sutter back to back during the broadcast...

 

You'd be shit-faced drunk by the middle of the 1st period.

That awkward moment when you can see both Brent and Darryl Sutter during a cross-dissolve edit.

I just wish there was some way to visually understand the 7 Sutter Brothers and their achievements in life.

Brian.

Darryl.

Duane.

Brent.

Rich.

Ron.

Gary.

SUTTER BROTHERS INFOGRAPHIC EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!

I haven't seen this many Sutters since I went to that really cheap wedding.

I tell ya, those statisticians at Fox Sports West HD are some of the best in the business.

The only thing active about Owen Nolan's career are the animals he hunts.

Thankfully there was no other story to cover during the Los Angeles Kings 4-1 victory over the Calgary Flames besides these two particular Sutter Brothers coaching against each other for the first time. Am I right?!?


Cammy's Back!

Speaking of coaches facing each other for the first time, the LA Kings newest non-assistant coach continues to creep closer and closer to replacing either Jamie Kompon or John Stevens as part of Darryl Sutter's staff.

"What's that? My qualifications? I scored 70 goals in 1 NHL season.
Your move, Kompon." 

"Great, game...huh boss? So um... Bernie was just here for the buffet, right?"

"We know you can hear us, Darryl. Please... talk to us. I have children."

Oh man, the LA Kings looked so good last Saturday night against the Flames that I could have danced.

And then they played the Edmonton Oilers the next day.

Called it.

Thankfully, Darryl Sutter didn't let any of the emotion involved with coaching against his brother affect him during the game.

Drew Doughty approves.

It seems that Darryl and Brent have finally put their differences behind them and can now do what they do best... sing!

FLAMES 1, KINGS 4

OILERS 2, KINGS 1 (OT)

TRH Gameday 45/46 - Calgary Flames/Edmonton Oilers: Alberta? Albetcha!

Written by The Royal Half on .

Game #45

LA Kings 
(21-15-8, 13th in NHL)
vs
Calgary Flames
(21-19-5, 20th in NHL)

7:00pm, Scotiabank Saddledome
Calgary, AB

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

BEST PHOTOS OF MICHAEL CAMMALLERI AS A LA KING:



He's just a lil' guy.

BEST OPPOSITION BLOG:
Matchsticks and Gasoline
Book of Loob
Dome Beers
Flames Nation

 

Game #46 - SUNDAY

LA Kings 
(21-15-8, 13th in NHL)
vs
Edmonton Oilers
(16-2-4, 28th in NHL)

Oilers Lead Season Series 1-0

5:00pm, Rexall Place
Edmonton, AB

MOST DISAPPOINTING PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

 

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
JeanShorts and BaggedMilk
Oilers Nation
Oilers Jambalaya
Lowetide

Have you heard? Darryl Sutter and Brent Sutter are brothers! And they are coaching against each other tonight! I had no idea since no one whatsoever has been mentioning that at all in the last 48 hours. Honestly, what's the big deal? Brent and Darryl have barely talked in the last year since Darryl was fired stepped down as GM of the Calgary Flames and Brent was kept on as coach. I mean... it's the oldest story in Hollywood. Two brothers, at odds, fighting over the same thing. 

Tonight the part of Natalie Portman will be played by Drew Doughty.

In reality... I don't care which Alberta Farm Boy wins tonight... just as long as there is one of these everytime the Kings play in Calgary:

COACH FIGHT!!!!

Oh, and for Sunday's game against the Edmonton Oilers...

There really is nothing else to say besides Sad Dustin Penner.

TRH Recap 44: Rocked All Stars

Written by The Royal Half on .

"Hey Brownie... what a game, huh? It really seems like we've got it together."

"I know, Kopi. And you've scored goals in back to back games for the 1st time since early November!"

"And we've scored 3 Power Play goals!!! Let's go get another one, huh Brownie?"

"Yeah... let's go!"

Ugh, what could be worse than your star center being spun around
like a top and smashing face-first
into where the boards meets the ice?

His parents being there to see it.

Wanna see what the face of shock looks like?

Either that... or Dustin Penner sees pancakes.

Come on... that's not the face of shock!

This is.

STARS 5, KINGS 4 (SO)

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TRH Gameday 44 - Dallas Stars: Rebuttal Pancakes

Written by The Royal Half on .

Game #44

LA Kings 
(21-15-7, 15th in NHL)
vs
Dallas Stars
(23-17-1, 16th in NHL)

Season Series Tied 2-2

7:30pm, Staples Center
Los Angeles, CA

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS THAT NOW PLAYS IN HARTFORD, CT:


BEST OPPOSITION BLOG:
Defending Big D
Stars of Big D

BEST OPPOSITION TO FOLLOW ON TWITTER:
DamnitJason
(Because he loves Dustin Brown's game)

Late yesterday afternoon, I saw this curious tweet from LA Times sports reporter, Lisa Dillman:

And then a few hours later... that old-school media known as "newspapers" picked up on the story.

Last Tuesday, on the first Kings’ off day in a while, Darryl finally moved into his new place – Murray’s house, as it happens. That happens all the time when players get traded – they swap houses as well – but not as frequently among coaches. His wife and son will come down to Los Angeles during the all-star break, but they are otherwise staying behind in Calgary so Christopher can finish Grade 12.

And then Rich Hammond confirmed it.

Terry Murray is now Darryl Sutter’s landlord. Murray returned East after being fired by the Kings last month. Sutter needed a place to live. Perhaps finding farmland tough to come by in the greater Los Angeles area, Sutter connected with Murray and arranged to rent his house.

So new Head Coach Darryl Sutter is renting old Head Coach Terry Murray's house in the South Bay? I'd like to think that Terry Murray's last day in his house before turning it over to Sutter went something like this

"Red" was obviously Marc Crawford.

But the biggest news from yesterday was Dustin Penner's open letter to LA Kings fans in regards to the recent Pancake-Gate controversy. From Mayors Manor:

So it seems as though I need to address Pancakegate for those in the sports media world, as well as those following #pennercakes on twitter, in light of the recent phenomenon I've created.

Right off the bat, I'd like to clarify a few things. 

For example, they were vegetarian pancakes. The injury happened as I was sitting down to eat, not mid-bite. And yes, I did finish them. 

There has been some feedback from the media as a whole regarding the lack of transparency involving injuries. So, I decided to be candid.

First and foremost, I think we can agree that having delicious pancakes that your wife made for breakfast, for a 1pm game, is not out of the norm. Secondly, "SOBS" (Sudden Onset Back Spasms) can occur at any moment, doing just about anything you can think of, and is a very serious issue.

Those who have experienced "SOBS," know it is no laughing matter. I'm a little hurt, to tell you the truth, that the plight of my people isn't being taken seriously.

Frankly, I don't mind the attention and there's no such thing as bad press, right? Apparently, I made it onto ESPN's 'Around the Horn' and joined Kings' ATH alumnus Dustin Brown (see water bottle incident) and have also became a twitter sensation overnight (with hashtag #pennercakes). So, I'm hoping to get an endorsement from IHOP or Denny's. 

The main thing here though is that we were able to bring attention to a serious issue like "SOBS" and hopefully find a treatment and unmask the mystery of it all.

In closing, for those who know how to laugh and find humor in life I hope they've enjoyed this as much as I did. 

In an effort to end the entire experience on a high note, I'm partnering with MayorsManor to sponsor a 'Pancakes with Penner' breakfast. In the weeks to come we'll be setting up a special raffle. Fans will be able to purchase tickets for $1.00 for a chance to have a pancake breakfast with me. All the money raised will go to charity...while we enjoy some delicious pancakes!

In a similar way in which the opposing party responds to the State of the Union... The Official Royal Half Speechwriter, Brian, has prepared an in-depth rebuttal to Dustin Penner's statement. I present it, unedited, below.

Dear Mr. Penner,

While we enjoyed reading your post and appreciated your alleged candor about Pancakegate, we at the Royal Half believe your convoluted story and jibber-jabber is nothing but a smokescreen to get the non-mainstream media off your spasmy back.

First off, you describe what your incredibly hot wife made as “vegetarian pancakes.” Your wife may be smokin’, we’re not sure what she’s smoking because there’s no such thing as “vegetarian pancakes.” (Unless of course, she usually chops up bacon and sausage and throws that shit in there, then in that case... she’s a keeper.)  Pancakes are flour, baking powder, white sugar, milk, eggs, and butter.  If your wife made “vegan” pancakes, then that is an entirely different story because those pancakes are sans butter, milk and egg.  How do I know this?  I live with a vegan.  My wife is a vegan.  Mr. Penner, you sir, are no vegan.

Secondly, your “appearance” as a topic on “Around the Horn” this week is far from boast-worthy.  Your coach just made a cameo on “Saturday Night Live” and you’re psyched about a mention on “Around the Horn"?!?  But besides that, let’s face the facts, Pancake Boy:  “Around the Horn” is a weaker (and far less worthy) spin-off of “Pardon The Interuption,” which frankly, should be your goal to make.  Having Woody Paige mock you isn’t nearly as exciting as getting 1 minute and 30 seconds of Mike and Tony’s time.  (Hint: slip on a waffle, then burn your hand making French toast for the trifecta... and I guarantee you a spot on PTI.)

And finally, your case of “SOBS” may be some sort of joke, but there’s still thousands of diseases out there in need of dire attention, like Tobias Funke’s awful case of “TBA.”  If you hold a pancake breakfast for anything, it’s for Mr. Funke, who is in dire need of a cure.

Mr. Penner... Pancakegate has been a boon to your profile and IHOP’s profits. Instead of scoring points with your wife and winning her heart by complimenting her pancakes, you should be scoring points for your hockey team, the LA Kings, and winning the fans’ hearts.

Sincerely,

The Royal Half

Strong words from our own Brian. But if you know Brian, you know the motto he lives by;

PRIDE=PASSION=PANCAKES

Finally... guess who's back?

Another gem from loyal reader, Tim.

Wedding Pancake

Written by The Royal Half on .

Look... if I had a wife was as hot as Dustin Penner's wife... I'd eat whatever she'd put in front of me, not matter how much pain it caused.

Mmmmm. Pancakes.

Dustin Penner and Jessica Welch were married during the All-Star Break in 2011. (Good thing Penner knew he'd have a couple days down and wouldn't be selected to the All-Star Team, right? RIGHT?!?.) Jessica Welch might have a thing for hockey players already since she's Richard Zednik's ex-wife but even though there are rumors of infidelity between Penner and Welch... I can tell they are in love. How can I tell? Because I've seen their wedding video, that's how. (And you should go to that link soon too, because it will probably come down.)

Presenting the only thing Dustin Penner has scored on in 2011-2012.

Jessica poses in Dustin Penner's natural position. Sitting.

I can't even imagine the amount of mullets those women have seen naked.

For one second, I was trying to figure out why Jarome Iginla was Dustin Penner's best man.

Women may come and go... but he'll always have that fucking Ducks Stanley Cup Ring.

Wipe that smile off your face Mr. 2 Goals in 2011-2012.

Trust me, Dustin. That's the last ring you are going to be putting on for while.
Unless the KHL gives out rings. But even then you won't.

Really, Dustin? At 4.25 million per year you couldn't afford the white seamless dance floor?
I MEAN, COME ON! 

The best part of Dustin Penner's wedding video is that it shows that Dustin Penner is ready for the next big step in his career...

... being a contestant on The Bachelor

While his wife, Jessica, can start on the next chapter in her life.

TRH Recap 43: Capital T-Bowe

Written by The Royal Half on .

CAPITALS 2, KINGS 5

 

It's weird that the Washington DC feed had the best angle of Jack Johnson "Tebowing"...
because aren't they supposed to have seperation of church and state?

What is it with Los Angeles Kings players and big-time goal celebrations after Coach Murray's have been fired? Remember this gem from 2006?

Well, just a mere 5 days after Andy Murray was fired from the Kings, Sean Avery mocked his former coach and his penchant for pushups in a goal celebration. Of course, Sean Avery began his career of off-ice suspensions a month later and we all know how that turned out. So who knows if Darryl Sutter is going to come down hard on Jack Johnson (I get the feeling he kinda likes it) but The Royal Half has a couple suggestions for Jack Johnson since he seems to be super in-tune with Pop Culture.

HEYYYYY, JACK JOHNSON!

Infinitely more popular than Tebowing in its heyday, the Macarena truly swept America off its feet. And it's even more popular today! Plus, it seems like something that Jack Johnson would do anyway... especially when drunk at a wedding. But I worry that the Macarena isn't Pop Culture enough to satisfy Jack Johnson's thirst for his goal celebrations.

Yes! Nothing screams lasting power like a Planking goal celebration! And Jack Johnson wouldn't be the first NHL player to Plank. But we all know that Planking is so passe now, right? RIGHT?!?

Jack Johnson is OWLING on top of PLANKING!!!

If Jack Johnson really wants to improve on his Pop Culture goal celebrations, then he should look closer to home. Because last week, Drew Doughty started a new craze when scoring a goal... Crotching!

Since Jack Johnson has a friendly rivalry with his defensive buddy Drew Doughty... I suggest the following goal celebration to really take it to the next level.

There is no way Dean Lombardi should trade this guy.
 Well, actually there are a ton of reasons to trade this guy.

Who knows what Jack Johnson's next goal celebration will be? And since that was Jack Johnson's 1st goal in 17 games... who knows if he may ever score again! But I'm sure that the next time he does score, Jack Johnson's goal celebration will be as culturally relevant as Tebowing. Maybe next time he'll even steal a page out of his Dad's celebration playbook.