Game #56

LA KINGS 
26-19-10
62 pts, 7th in Western Conference
vs
NEW YORK ISLANDERS
22-23-8
52 pts, 14th in Eastern Conference

10:00am (!), Nassau Memorial Coliseum
Uniondale, NY

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
Islanders Point Blank
Lighthouse Hockey
Islanders Hockey Blog

SUNDAY

Game #57

LA KINGS 
26-19-10
62 pts, 7th in Western Conference
vs
DALLAS STARS
28-23-3
59 pts, 9th in Western Conference

Dallas Leads Season Series 3-2

3:00pm, American Airline Arena
Dallas, TX

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
Defending Big D
Stars of Big D 

BEST OPPOSITION TO FOLLOW ON TWITTER:
DamnitJason
(Because he loves Dustin Brown's game)

I'm not so worried about the two rookies who will be lining up next to Mike Richards in the game against the New York Islanders. Or the fact that one of Dean Lombardi's Trading Deadline bargaining chips is injured. Or that Alex Martinez is playing instead of Slava Voynov. Or that the Kings are losing their grip on a Playoff spot in the West. No... I'm worried that in one year, Jon Quick is going to say "screw you guys" and head to a team on the East Coast. Why am I worried? Because look at all the fun Jon Quick had the last time he hung out with Brother-in-Law Matt Moulson on the East Coast... at Quick's wedding!

Pretty sure that's either the funky chicken or the electric slide. Or maybe both.

Seriously, what wedding photographer doesn't cut out all that headroom?
And I'm not talking about Matt Moulson's eyebrows.

Please... just keep Jordan Nolan far, far, far away from Jon Quick's wife.

Hey, Coach Sutter! How many games has your team won on this 10 day, 6 game road trip?

PANTHERS 3, KINGS 1
KINGS FANS... FREAKIN' THE FUCK OUT

You look like I feel, Dustin Brown.

You look like I feel, Jon Quick.

Okay... you look WAY worse than I could ever feel, Darryl Sutter.

You look like you don't care, Drew Doughty.

I feel the same way about this game too, Kevin Dineen.

Are you there Dean? It's me, Anze.
I need help. 

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over these trade winds that are blowing.

So the Los Angeles Kings lost 2-0 to the Florida Panthers on a night that Phoenix and Dallas won, huh?

Rats.

Game #55

LA KINGS 
26-18-10
62 pts
7th in Western Conference
vs
FLORIDA PANTHERS
24-17-11
59 pts
9th in Eastern Conference

Kings Lead Season Series 1-0

4:30pm, Bank Atlantic Center
Tampa Bay, FL

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

BEST OPPOSITION BLOG:
Litter Box Cats

It's time to play America's (and certain parts of Canada) new favorite Game Show!!!

WHO! DOES! SIMON GAGNE! HAVE! MORE! POINTS! THAN!?!

Since suffering an "upper body injury" on December 26th, 2011, Kings forward and Top 6 off-season acquisition Simon Gagne hasn't played one game. In fact, he's missed 18. And while Simon Gagne being out with an injury shouldn't have been a shock to most hockey fans, the LA Kings' offense has missed his scoring potential greatly... forcing Mike Richards to skate with Jarret Stoll as his winger for most of the season. The only impact Simon Gagne has now on the LA Kings is the salary cap mobility he provides if the Kings decide they should need to acquire an scoring forward at the Trade Deadline that can... you know... actually score. Since going down with his injury, Simon Gagne has vowed to grow a beard until he's ready to skate again... and this photo of Gagne surfaced early this week.

So, nearly 8 weeks after Simon Gagne suffered his concussion upper-body injury... where does he rank on the LA Kings stat sheet?

That's right... Simon Gagne is 7th overall in scoring for the Los Angeles Kings.

Everyone together... WHO! DOES! SIMON GAGNE! HAVE! MORE! POINTS! THAN!?!

But let's be reasonable... Willie Mitchell and Rob Scuderi and Colin Fraser aren't supposed to have more points than Simon Gagne in any universe. So let's re-focus that list:

Personally... I think Jarret Stoll has been playing with some sort of hand injury all season that could be related to the arthritis he suffered two seasons ago. If you watch him during the game he hardly attempts any shots, it's strictly pass or dump first. Tell me, when is the last time you saw Jarret Stoll wind up and take a slap shot? And we all know what Dustin Penner's excuse has been this season. Instead of hoping that Simon Gagne provides cap relief so Dean Lombardi can grossly overpay for Tuomo Ruutu, maybe we should be hoping that Gagne makes it back in time for the end of the season so he can provide some offense. Which quite honestly... is just as much a pipe dream as Marco Sturm playing in tonight's game.

Man, I wish I really made these towels.

LIGHTNING 1, KINGS 3,
ANDREI LOKTIONOV'S LAST NAME 0

I mean... there is an official NHL pronunciation guide, Rick Peckham. Use it.

I wrote this 1 hour and 30 minutes before the game started Tuesday night.

Seriously... have you ever seen the English language murdered like this before?

Someday we are all going to find out that Darryl Sutter was drunk for every single game behind the bench.

Game #54

LA KINGS 
25-18-10
60 pts
7th in Western Conference
vs
TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING
23-23-5
51 pts
11th in Eastern Conference

4:30pm, Tampa Bay Times Forum
Tampa Bay, FL 

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

To learn more about Chris Kontos, contact your local library.
Or just click here. 

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
Lightning Hockey Blog
Raw Charge
Don't Trade Vinny

Take one dose of the Tampa Bay Lightning:

53 GAMES - 145 GOALS SCORED - 2.84 GOALS PER GAME (8th in NHL)
53 GAMES - 170 GOALS AGAINST - 3.33 GOALS AGAINST PER GAME (30th in NHL)

Add one shake of the Los Angeles Kings:

53 GAMES - 111 GOALS SCORED - 2.09 GOALS PER GAME (30th in NHL)
53 GAMES - 110 GOALS AGAINST - 2.08 GOALS AGAINST PER GAME (3rd in NHL)

...And you've got yourself quite the amazing team. Stats don't lie. The Los Angeles Kings need the Tampa Bay Lightning's scoring ability and the Tampa Bay Lightning need the Los Angeles Kings ability to keep the puck out of the net. Here's an idea for the Trade Deadline.... just combine the teams and the Stanley Cup is ours. Or theirs. Or both of ours!!! Hey... how is that 10 day, 6 game road trip that determines the playoff future of this hockey team going?

Oh boy.
If the Kings keep losing 1 goal games I feel like Dean Lombardi is going to do something really bad.
Like really bad.

Mike Richards is so upset at his lack of scoring that he has regressed to acting like a schoolboy.

Jack Johnson does his best impression of how many goals
the Kings are going to score on the rest of this road trip.

Try and tell me that Darryl Sutter isn't blowing a burp out of the side of his mouth.

Try and tell me that Darryl Sutter isn't trying to hold back a fart here.

Try and tell me that Darryl Sutter isn't trying to hold back taking a shit here.

I don't know what Darryl Sutter is trying to do here... but it scares me.

Ken Hitchock is shocked at Darryl Sutter's behavior.

Now that's a good looking coach! Sorry... "special assistant."

It's too bad the Kings hired Darryl Sutter instead of Kirk Muller.
He just looks like he belongs behind the bench of a Los Angeles Sports Team.
Oh... and his team actually scores goals.

Is it me... or has Dave Lewis gotten crazy fat since he left Los Angeles? 

Yes, yes he has.

Until they start scoring goals for the Kings...
ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING SUTTER FAMILY.

"So wait... the point of a hip check is to pin the guy against the boards to prevent him from passing you?"

"Yes, Drew. It is."

"Wow, I had no idea.
Wait... what's going on... are we in Heaven?"

"No, it's Iowa."

Hey, Kings fans. There is 7 million dollars of your ticket money at work.

Worst. Episode of The Office. Ever.

It's the worst goaltending versus the worst scoring in the NHL tonight in Tampa Bay. What's the worst that can happen?

Oh boy.

After a few week conditioning stint in the minor leagues Pundays is back! And while it does feel good to be looking at the best and worst of the NHL.com Front Page Pun Headlines again, this weeks edition kinda makes me want to gag.

Before his recent offensive outburst, the only place Sam Gagner was going was to every other team in a trade.

You really have to give credit to the Pun Headline Writing Team at NHL.com. They were really thinking outside the box on these Gagner headlines.

Click here to check out the best and worst NHL.com pun headlines from the past week!!!

Game #52

LA KINGS 
25-16-10
60 pts
7th in Western Conference
vs
ST. LOUIS BLUES
29-13-7
65 pts
5th in Western Conference

Kings lead Season Series 2-0

5:00pm, Scottrade Center
St. Louis, MO

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

Honestly, I had no idea Steve Duchesne played 163 games for the Blues.

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
St. Louis Game Time
Thrashing the Blues

SATURDAY

Game #53

LA KINGS 
25-16-10
60 pts
7th in Western Conference
vs
CAROLINA HURRICANES
19-25-94
47 pts
15th in Eastern Conference

4:00pm, RBC Center
Raleigh, NC

BEST PLAYER TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

Honestly, I had no idea Steve Duchesne played 163 games for the Blues.

BEST OPPOSITION BLOGS:
Canes Country
Shutdown Line

As the Los Angeles Kings begin their 10 day, 6 game road trip that could conceivably dictate what moves they will make at the trading deadline... there is really only one big question that us fans have to answer at the start of this road trip:

YOU DECIDE!!

Remember... this is a serious poll. So...

BLUE JACKETS 2, KINGS 3 (KINDA)

Man, was that the craziest thing you've ever seen in a hockey game or what???

No... I see that crazy mug every hockey game.

No... I said "craziest" thing not "sexiest" thing.

Okay... I give you that.
But I was talking about another crazy-looking thing that happened in this game.

Enough with your guesses. Obviously the craziest thing that happened in the Los Angeles Kings 3-2 victory over the Columbus Blue Jackets at Staples Center Wednesday night was this:

Dustin Penner scored a goal!

Oh, right... and this happened too.

If you are having a hard time understanding what Jim Fox and Patrick O'Neal are saying to each other at the end, let me translate:

Seriously, though... how amazing is it that Fox Sports West HD even did this kind of analysis at the end of the game? If this were Fox Sports Pittsburgh, that video evidence would have been burned and then shredded immediately after the goal. Obviously the players knew that something was about to blow up because they were literally running out of Staples Center to catch their plane to St. Louis.

Drew Doughty didn't even have enough time to take his helmet off before putting headphones on for an interview.
There is your season ticket money at work, fans.

After the game, Drew Doughty was able to slip into the head covering he is much more comfortable in.

I swear I'm gonna start a Tumblr "Drew Doughty in Blue Jay Hats."

Unfortunately what was lost in all the time-clock madness was the fact that the LA Kings played awful against the 30th ranked team that had lost the night before 6-0. That... and photos of Jon Quick at the All Star Game!!!

Here is Jon Quick looking awkward.

Here is Jon Quick trying to look like a gangster but instead just looking awkward.

"Hey there son, my name is Marc Crawford."

"Yeah, I know... I played for you."

"Right! You're the guy I started Jason LaBarbera and Erik Ersberg over.
So... what's been happening. Still in the league?" 

OMG... Luc Robitaille's youngest son is so freakin' cute!!!
I'm sorry what? Jim Fox who? 

And just when you thought this clock-stoppage issue couldn't get any nerdier.... this happens:

Whoops... sorry. Wrong copy and paste.

From the LA Times:

Kings General Manager Dean Lombardi said via email that the clock was correct and no extra time had been added.

“Those clocks are sophisticated instruments that calculate time by measuring electrical charges called coulombs,” he said. “Given the rapidity and volume of electrons that move through the measuring device the calibrator must adjust at certain points which was the delay you see. The delay is just recalibrating for the clock moving too quickly during the 10 – 10ths of a second before the delay.

“This insures that the actual playing time during a period is exactly 20 minutes. That is not an opinion. That is science. Amazing device quite frankly."

Goddamn, I love my GM.

Dean Lombardi is such a bad-ass that sometime it just makes me want to scream.

Look how fast Justin Williams is skating over to be the 1st to grab Drew Doughty's junk.

6 games in 10 days on the road. Where you are sitting for the 2011-2012 NHL playoffs is decided right here. Why do I feel like we've been here before?

Game #51

LA KINGS 
24-16-10
58 pts
7th in Western Conference
vs
COLUMBUS BLUE JACKETS
13-31-6
32 pts
15th in Western Conference

Season Series tied 1-1

7:30pm, Staples Center
Los Angeles, CA

BEST TRADE DEADLINE ACQUISITION TO WEAR BOTH COLORS:

No, seriously... with 5 points in 20 games, 
Fredrick Modin is probably the best Kings trade deadline acquisition ever.

BEST OPPOSITION BLOG:
Dark Blue Jacket
Light the Lamp
The Cannon

Trades. Trades. Trades. Trades. Trades. It seems to be the only thing people want to talk about now that the All-Star Break is over. (Myself included.) But you know what? Until this team has scored more than 2 goals in its 2 games against the worst team in the league... you don't get to talk about which forward they need to bring in to complement the Top 6. HEY!!! DON'T YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME, MISTER!!!

Matt over at Life in Hockeywood has started a Kings Blogger Prediction Panel in the spirit of what the Ottawa Citizen likes to do in order to keep their season interesting. (Offer not valid during the 2011-2012 season apparently.) So, here are 7 LA Kings Blogger Predictions for tonight's exciting Kings-Blue Jackets contest.

It's something that us Los Angeles Kings fans love to joke about. Trade us your superstar... your consistent goal scorer... your playmaking center... and within a few games he'll have completely forgotten how to play the game of hockey or at least he'll get injured in the process. Of course in the LA Kings Blogosphere, all the rage right now is to bash on 2011 Trade Deadline Acquisition, Dustin Penner, for his inability to produce goals and points as a Los Angeles King. Penner was brought in to be the 1st Line Left Winger and I mean... I know it's been bad... but just how bad has Dustin Penner been as a King? Let's take a look at his 4 years as an Edmonton Oiler.

DUSTIN PENNER - OILERS
GP 304 / GOALS 93 / ASSISTS 93 / POINTS 186 / POINTS PER GAME .61

And now... his stats once he was traded to the Los Angeles Kings.

DUSTIN PENNER - KINGS
GP 47 / GOALS 5 / ASSISTS 12 / POINTS 17 / POINTS PER GAME .36

POINTS PER GAME DIFFERENTIAL
- .25

In the span of almost 12 months, Dustin Penner has gone from a .61 points per game player... to a .36 points per game player. And that got me thinking... it couldn't just be Former Coach Terry Murray or Current Coach Darryl Sutter's offensive system that is causing this, can it? As a 20+ year Los Angeles Kings fan, I feel that since the Wayne Gretzky trade... every time this team has traded for a player that is supposed to come to Los Angeles and contribute offensively... it has only ended horribly. So, I decided to investigate.

Click Here to See the Results of The Royal Half's Trade Deficit Research!!!