Boy... and we all thought that Anze Kopitar signing with a 2nd Tier hockey team in Sweden would be the biggest news of the day. Thankfully, Philip Anschutz put an end to that. So Jesse Cohen and I sat down with the Woodward and Bernstein of the AEG sale, Dennis Bernstein, to figure out why Anschutz wants to sell off his evil empire. 

"Pardonnez-moi, monsieur... this photo is for players only."

"Shut it, Bernier. I played more in these playoffs than you did."

You can check out the latest All The Kings Men here, subscribe to it on iTunes or listen below.

And in international news... The Royal Half was featured on television! Well... Canadian television... but it's still television nonetheless! Something called the Global News featured "Locked Out & I Know It" in their roundup of what dumb hockey fans were doing with their time off. You can check out the link here.

Ugh, TV adds 10 pounds to my blog name.

And finally, a few days ago Jesse Cohen released a massive diatribe against the NHL Lockout the only way he knows how... to the tune of a classic childrens' poem about Santa Claus. Which is pretty impressive for Jesse... mainly because he's Jewish. Here it is, in its entirety.

Twas the day of the lockout and no talks were planned

There would be no heroics, no late night last stand

The players and owners would fight over cash

While the hopes and the dreams of the fans were all dashed

They had taken to facebook and reddit and twitter

And as the lockout drew closer their words became bitter

“Up yours Gary Bettman!” “Screw you Donald Fehr”

“Please don’t make another season disappear”

But the lawyers on both sides had made up their minds

And politely told fans we could kiss their behinds

Despite all the owners griping and complaints

They were handing out contracts with little restraint

“Four more years for Shane Doan, $18 Million for Burrows!!!”

While the brows of the fans became wrinkled and furrowed

“Don’t blame us” said the players “for the owners confusion”

While their salaries climbed the fans grew disillusioned

We don’t care about escrows, profit sharing or rollbacks

Or if big market teams should pay a luxury tax

We want to see hockey not hear your regrets

or listen to lawyers posture and make threats

And the good news for fans, who might be so inclined

There’ll be hockey this year, you can watch it online

The juniors and minors will still play their games

While the NHLPA call the owners bad names

“It won’t be as fun as the big leagues” you’ll scoff

But it beats watching Baseball or Tennis or Golf

And before you all know it this lockout will end

And we’ll go back to watching the teams over spend

And in another six years or possibly later

We’ll find ourselves cursing a new batch of traitors

New owners, new players and a new set of lawyers

Brand new employees and brand new employers

They’ll fight over money and lengths of contracts

They’ll distort the numbers and twist all the facts

And we’ll keep on watching and filling the stands

Because the league knows we’re “the worlds greatest fans”

for us it’s not business it’s a piece of our lives

It makes us skip work and helps us survive

It brings us together, it makes grown men weep

It fills all our dreams when we fall fast asleep

So forgive us dear players and agents and owners

If we rant and we rave and we call you all moaners

You’re stealing our fun and you’re taking our hockey

Forcing us to choose between Norfolk and Milwaukee

We won’t get to see the Kings raising their banner

Or watch them defend it, (and do it for Tanner)

We’ll miss the NHL on our TV sets

The Leafs and the Habs and the Flames and Jets

The Sharks and the Blues, the Coyotes and Ducks

The Wild, the Flames and Vancouver Canucks

The Bruins and Flyers and Penguins and Red Wings

The Rangers and Devils and the joy watching them brings

So I make this last plea tho I know it won’t matter

Please cut through the jargon and bullshit and chatter

End the lockout as quickly as you possibly can

Or I may actually consider not being a fan

In the time honored tradition of such other The Royal Half music hits as "Rick Nash's These Teams are on My List" comes our latest release from the TRH Recording Studio...

Locked Out & I Know It

Lyrics by The Royal Half & Indiana Matt
Vocals by Felander Stevenson & The Royal Half Singers

Also available as a free download so you can listen on the go! Just click here.

And special, special, special thanks to Chris at VitalDistraction.com who created the amazing new The Royal Half Video Bumper.

The reviews are in! And our article about the rise of LA Kings Stanley Cup Tattoos is a hit! To the face!

So... let me get this straight.
You are upset that I put something out in public on the internet...

... that you already put out in public on the internet?

Oh!!! I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that the tattoos were free.
THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

Yes, you are 100% right. I wrote a 1000 word review about LA Kings Stanley Cup tattoos
just to deal with my issue of being too scared to get one myself.

Finally! Somebody with something smart to say.

(Actually @LA_CliffordBaby unfollowed me on Twitter last night. But, hey, who is counting?)

I am.

I have to say... this Kevin Young fellow is actually kinda smart.

Yes, Kevin Young. I've been going to LA Kings games for nearly 25 years,
paid for 1/2 Season Tickets the last 10 seasons, watch the games religiously,
traveled to Europe to watch them play and I blog about them nearly nightly
all in an effort to support my pro-Ducks, anti-Kings agenda. You figured it out.

Well if there isn't a clearer definition of what a blogger is than this, then I don't want to know.

So any fucking idiot can start a blog but I'm expected to do research?
Man, this blogging thing is tough!

When I set out to really find a way to drive tons of traffic to this site...
"write a niche article about LA Kings Stanley Cup tattoos" shot to top of my list.

I have no idea what this means.
But man, I'd love #TheRoyalHalfAssingIt to become a trending topic.

Maybe I just don't understand this generation...
but if you think a blog post is complete bullshit why would you tattoo it onto your body?
Seems counterintuitive to me.

No argument here, sister. The Kings winning the Stanley Cup for the first time in their history
was one of the greatest days of my life too. I just chose to not memorialize it with a free tattoo.

All of that above was just the positive feedback! Check out what some really upset people had to say:

Well, at least they aren't saying any more bad stuff about me on Twitter anymore. Nope, they've taken it to Facebook!

I would love to see this guys' books.

Totally. LA Kings fans NEVER put people down at all. Ever.

Leaving my mommy's house is not the reason I wouldn't get a Kings tattoo.
No, it's because my mommy won't let me.

No idea what this means.

You are right... I couldn't handle the pain... of having a free LA Kings Stanley Cup tattoo for the rest of my life. 

I believe the children are the future. Teach them well... and let them lead the way.
And God help us all.

This can only end bad. Which is good.

On a very special edition of All The Kings Men Podcast, Jesse Cohen and I (and even John Hoven from Mayor's Manor) welcome Jack Wilson, a producer at Fox Sports West, to talk about his trip across Canada following a few members of the Los Angeles Kings organization during their day with the Stanley Cup. And after talking with Jack about his adventures... it's easy to say that Jesse and I hate him more than anyone else we've ever met in our lives.

Ugh... I HATE this guy.

To listen to Jack's amazing stories about his time with the Stanley Cup you can check the latest All The Kings Men here, subscribe to it on iTunes or listen below.

And be sure to check out Jack Wilson's blog over at Behind the Lens.

Now that the Stanley Cup Hangover in Los Angeles has come to an end, we can finally look back at some of the bigger additions that were made over the summer... by the fans of the Los Angeles Kings.

The Kings Twitter account may be accused of being sarcastic...
but you can't say it's not optimistic.

Man, I really hope Jon Quick makes the jumbotron video on Opening Night.
You know, for the the segment "How Drunk Did I Get This Summer?" 

Click here to read The Royal Half's Los Angeles Kings Summer-In-Review of Awful Stanley Cup Tattoos!!!

I know that I haven't been writing with the regularity that you would come to expect after the Los Angeles Kings won their first Stanley Cup Championship in 44 seasons in the NHL. But after two months time of refreshing and recharging my hockey soul, I am more ready than ever to start blogging all about the upcoming NHL season. And boy am I excited to watch some hock.... WHAAAAAAA?!?!?!

Whew! For a minute there I thought you were about to say the NHL was going to have a lockout!

This above is simply a photo of one of Mike Richards many sex toys.

It's a Brand New Episode of All The Kings Men Podcast in which Jesse Cohen and I rock out with our locks out. We also talk to Dennis Bernstein from The Fourth Period who actually understands what all the negotiation between the NHL Owners and Players is about. 

Check the latest All The Kings Men here, subscribe to it on iTunes or listen below.

I was asked by Yahoo's Puck Daddy to contribute to their NHL Essentials series. If you are curious what I think the seminal moments in Los Angeles Kings history are... you can read the Los Angeles Kings Essentials here. Come for the article... stay for the comments. 

You nailed it, DaveGeek. You nailed it.

So unfortunately... unless there is some sort of miracle agreement between the NHL and NHLPA... us hockey fans are going to have to spend our Fall watching awful Hollywood re-makes.

Although the trailer for Dumb and Dumber 3 wasn't too bad.

Wow... I can't believe they are re-making No Country For Old Men already!

Seriously... how does a photo like this even exist?!?

No... Sgt Pepper didn't teach the band to play... 24 years ago today people across the country stood up and screamed "LOS ANGELES HAS A HOCKEY TEAM?!?"

And my life was changed forever.

I have an autograph from Wayne Gretzky where he's wearing the "A."
I'm such a hipster.

Wayne Gretzky did so much for the sport of hockey in Los Angeles.

Well... except one thing.

Now, if you'll excuse me... I will be watching NHL Network all day long.

I'm glad that Justin Williams has finally found someone
that appreciates him for more than just his good looks.

Seriously... have you seen a photo of a member of the Los Angeles Kings organization with the Stanley Cup that is cooler than this one with Justin Williams?

Close.

Nailed it.

I thought I would be blogging, screen-grabbing and photoshopping my way through the single greatest off-season in LA Kings history. But instead... I've been lazy. I mean, come on... I haven't even watched the Official Los Angeles Kings 2012 Stanley Cup Champions DVD!!! I bet RudyKelly has probably watched that DVD more times than he's looked in a mirror in his life and Bobby Scribe has seen the DVD way more than his own wedding video. But not me... because I'm too busy recording a brand new episode of All The Kings Men Podcast with the Stanley Cup Winning Jesse Cohen! Go ahead and try to knock the shit-eating grin off of my and Jesse's faces as we talk about the 2 months since the Los Angeles Kings won the Stanley Cup. We also chat with Brad Lee from St. Louis Game Time about the complete failure that Davis Payne will be as an Assistant Coach for the LA Kings.

Check the latest All The Kings Men here, subscribe to it on iTunes or listen below.

It's so funny how I used to actually care about the NHL Awards and the NHL Draft. But then the Los Angeles Kings won the Stanley Cup for the 1st time... and I just can't find the effort to care about anything else. So instead... The Royal Half Mom provided me with a review of the NHL Awards Show from this past Wednesday night.

Like devoted hockey fans, Dad and I watched the NHL award show last night... in fact, I recorded it. What a flipping waste of time. I could have written and produced a better show - hell, your 5 year-old niece could have done a better job. Whoever produced it must be sleeping with someone important because it was so bad that it made us cringe. Not funny, not clever and where in the Hell did they find the presenters?  Let's not forget that other than Mark Messier no one even mentioned the Kings.  The audacity of a West Coast team to win the Cup.  All the awards went to LOSERS who were praised beyond belief by the numb–nuts on the show.  Once again, NBC Sports had their heads so far up their asses they couldn't see the light of day with a flashlight and a road map.  And tell me, where does Tracy Morgan fit into the hockey world?

I sincerely hope this travesty will not go unnoticed by the Royal Half and I am praying with all my heart that the Kings win it next year too just to shut them all up.

Love,
Mommy

P.S.  Feel free to quote me.

The apple sure falls far from the tree, huh? In other news, on June 18th I appeared on The War Room on XM Home Ice. For the last 2 seasons I've been the Los Angeles Kings Disaster Correspondent for hosts Mick Kern and Peter Berce... so imagine their surprise when they had to talk with me about my favorite hockey team winning the Stanley Cup. It's by far one of my most favorite radio spots I've ever done (except for this one of course) and we rambled on and on for 16 minutes about the joys of being a fan of the greatest game in the world.

Courtesy of the awesome and famous Stephen Slesinski and the awesome and infamous Indiana Matt... presenting the ultimate in The Royal Half merchandise... the 2012 TRH Stanley Cup Champion T-Shirt.

Now with 100% less Scott Parse!

These shirts come with a full guarantee that they were not worn in the Los Angeles Kings locker room. But there is no guarantee that Jeff Carter wasn't wearing it during a threesome this past weekend in Vegas. You can get this glorious t-shirt at our Zazzle store (don't ask) and all of our other amazing shirts at The Royal Half Gift Shoppe. Collect and Trade!