It's December and you know what that means! Gifts! Gifts up the ass! So surprise the Los Angeles Kings fan in your life with a t-shirt that visually represents how awful the search for a franchise goaltender has been!

I call it "Los Angeles Kings Goalies since Kelly Hrudey."

That's right... myself, Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy and Indiana Matt have created some t-shirts. Come to The Royal Half Gift Shoppe and purchase them just in time for the holidays.  

And what's that? You have a loved one that is both a Los Angeles Kings fan and a New Jersey Devils fan? Well have we got the t-shirt for you!

In a span of 12 hours, the Los Angeles Kings traded for an injured player and then were surprised when he didn't pass a physical. Then, they went out and barely beat an NHL team with a 10-13 record whose leading goal scorer is someone named Mike Santorelli. So in an effort to put a halt to the negative publicity they received during the day... the Kings Marketing Department went ahead and introduced it's brand new broadcast team... featuring one of the most hated Kings player ever.

I, for one, want to state that I am a fan of Rob Blake's time as a Los Ange...
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! 

Kings 3, Panthers 2

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Welcome to Los Angeles, Marco Sturm. I know why you waived your No Trade Clause to come play here... because you'll fit right in!!

See ya in a few weeks! You know, when you are actually able to play.

UPDATED: Apparently there is a new NHL rule this season, in order to play for a team, you actually have to be able to play.

"It's only a flesh wound!"

The Los Angeles Kings record with the stupid fucking mustaches...5-7-0. The Los Angeles Kings record without the stupid fucking mustaches.. 8-3-0. Thank god November is over. 



Hmm, a mustached Drew Doughty and Michal Handzus remind me of someone... who could it be?

And as britlovesmusic pointed out tonight...

Brad Richardson is straight outta Super Troopers.

I know this sounds horrible, but Pancreatic Cancer... you are cramping my style. Shave those fucking mustaches now and let's move into December. Which as any Kings fan knows... is usually a disaster of a month. I mean, those stupid fucking mustaches just must make it impossible for any NHL player to succeed, right?

Oh.
The Selanne Stache sounds like some sort of sexual maneuver.

Florida is in on Thursday, that should be a great chance.... aw, who gives a fuck. It doesn't matter. Season is over. Until the Kings win their next game at least.

Two Girls. One Cup. 
Sigh.  

Forget about the Los Angeles Kings dismal performance Saturday night against the Chicago Blackhawks, a game in which the Kings found themselves losers of 6 of the last 7 and slipping out of the top 8 in the Western Conference for the first time this season... forget it because Kings Captain, Dustin Brown, is on the internet!!!

Courtesy of The Royal Half's Head Joke Writer....
The Top 5 Jokes about Dustin Brown dancing on stage during "Yo Gabba Gabba Live!"

And then just a few hours after performing with one of the biggest hits in children's television, Dustin Brown did this. 

Blackhawks 2, Kings 1

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Edmonton Oilers Superfan (and slowly becoming Los Angeles Kings Semi-Fan) JeanShorts and Bagged Milk commented to me recently that it seems like the NHL is trying to keep Ryan Smyth from reviving his career as it seems that every single one of his goals this year has come under video review. Well, last nights game in Ottawa proved that this conspiracy may be deeper than just trying to keep Captain Canada down.

"Hey Tim, I'm still fucking pissed about this whole Colin Campbell thing."

"Yeah, but what are we gonna do about it, eh?"

"Hmm, did Campbell ever play for LA?"

"No."

"Yeah, but doesn't he live in LA with all those homos and liberals?"

"No, he lives in New York."

"Same thing. No Goal."

"Um, Eric... I don't think you can do that."

"I said no goal."

Senators 3, Kings 2, Tim & Eric, Awesome Job!

Last season, we did a segment called "Upper Body Injury with..." where we featured the brightest and the best of the Los Angeles Kings opponent bloggers. We hadn't really done one this season because no team was exciting enough to warrant it. But when you say the Kings are battling the Ottawa Senators... I don't think it gets more exciting than the Battle of the Brothers. 

Wow, I knew Daniel Alfredsson was getting old, but I had no idea.

You probably couldn't find a team that the Los Angeles Kings have less of a history with than the Ottawa Senators. But when you dig a little deeper, you learn that 2 of the greatest fights in Kings history happened in Ottawa... Felix Potvin vs Jani Hurme... and Jim Fox vs Bryan Murray.

The Senators have iced a consistent playoff contender most of the last few years, even making it to the Stanley Cup Finals in 2007... only to lose to the Anaheim Ducks. But now, near the quarter mark of the NHL season, the Senators find themselves hovering around .500, and losers of 3 in a row. Now, in Los Angeles, I have hard enough time finding a bar that will turn on the Kings game... but Bloguin finds themselves with TWO (!) Ottawa Senators blogs. So The Royal Half sat down with the Podcast Overlords at The 6th Sens to see what Canada's Capital thinks about Bob Kudelski's hat tricks... or Dany Heatley's No-Trade-Clause... or John Muckler's legacy... check it out after the jump! UPDATE: To see my answers to The 6th Sens questions check them out here. 

Click Here to read the rest of Upper Body Injury with... the Ottawa Senators!!!

Being a writer means taking chances. And just because you are spending your nights waiting for hockey games across the country to finish doesn't mean that you can't take a chance. So for one certain NHL.com pun headline writer, Saturday night's Western Conference Final rematch between the Vancouver Canucks and the Chicago Blackhawks... was their time to shine.

Posted just a few minutes before the 7pm PST start.

Posted just minutes after the Blackhawks 7-1 win.
Actually, it turns out that this particular writer is just a huge fan of the former CW show, 7th Heaven.

Click here to check out the best and worst NHL.com pun headlines from the past week!!!

In the sport of ice hockey, the captain of the team is the person who speaks for the franchise... the person who meets with the press, who motivates the team in between periods and who tweets about the game from his smartphone while riding the bus back to the hotel to play video games with his teammates. 

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Kings 4, Bruins 3

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