When we last saw the Columbus Blue Jackets on December 14th, the Kings had just fired Terry Murray and the Blue Jackets had just 9 wins. Today... a little under a month later, the Kings are 5-0-3 under Darryl Sutter and the Blue Jackets have just 10 wins. Who gives a shit about this game... just have Dean Lombardi figure out a way to trade for Rick Nash.
Actually, once the Kings traded for Nash... he'd forget how to score.
This game has potential disappointment written all over it. Please win, Kings.
No Goals in 13 Games.
With 0 goals in his last 13 games... now is as good a time as ever to bring back a triskaidekaphobia edition of PennerPoint! The rules are still simple. Just guess the exact time and period that Dustin Penner scores his 3rd goal of the seasontoday against the Blue Jackets... and you win a free t-shirt from The Royal Half Gift Shoppe. You can put your predictions in the comments below or reply to me on Twitter with #PennerPoint. Good luck!
Look... I'm really glad that the Los Angeles Kings are 5-0-3 since firing Terry Murray and replacing him with Darryl Sutter. But too many people are ignoring a growing problem... and now it's affecting young players that don't even know how to call for help in the native language of this country.
I'll give you 1 guess whose hand that is on Andrei Loktionov's shoulder.
How is it possible that he can even make faces like this?
Keep a close eye on how slowly Sutter pulls his hand away from Loktionov's shoulder. I'm telling you this is a scandal waiting to happen... I just hope it happens after the Kings make the playoffs..
Everybody has their theory on why Bernie Nicholls skated as a "consultant" for the Los Angeles Kings during their practice Wednesday afternoon. Some think that he is here to stay. Some think that he's here to help the team score more goals. And others are just incredibly psyched that he's here. There was even extensive video coverage of Nicholls' return to the Kings practice ice. But I think that I know the real reason why Bernie Nicholls was asked to work with the Kings yesterday.
This is the greatest porn I've ever seen on the Internet.
Since he's become such a huge fan of the LA Kings, Indiana Matt has been looking to move closer to Staples Center so he can be even more a part of the action. So imagine his surprise when he ran a quick check of the sexual predators living close to downtown and this came up:
That's so weird that Darryl Sutter would show up on a Registered Sex Offender search. Who could have seen that coming?!?
It's simple. Bernie Nicholls was brought in as insurance by the Kings Organization in case things with Darryl Sutter get a bit too... "handsy". Because after 2 weeks of being the Head Coach in Los Angeles... we've already seen the impact that Sutter has had on his players.
The Bernie Nicholls Era (Part 2) starts tonight at Staples Center against the Phoenix Coyotes. And since Bernie once scored 70 goals in a season as a LA King... teaching these boys how to score should be like shooting fish in a barrel.
GOOOOAL!!!!!
And as LaLiberte12 pointed out... it might be helpful for Darryl Sutter to have someone around that looks like Tim Allen.
Because he speaks the same language as Darryl Sutter.
Eventually, I'll make this a regular feature on Mondays (once the Los Angeles Kings stop having so many Monday night games) and we'll take a look back at the past week in LA Kings Videos, courtesy of the Official LA Kings Video Historian and Friend of the Blog... HarleyMae. This week... let's start with Drew Doughty and how he is maturing as a player this season.
Either Drew Doughty is actually European... or he must be very excited for the upcoming Summer Olympics.
According to Jim Fox, diving isn't the only weapon Drew Doughty has added to his repertoire this season.
7 million dollars a year there, folks.
Of course the biggest influence on Drew Doughty's game the last few weeks has been new LA Kings Head Coach, Darryl Sutter, and his "unique" coaching style.
I know that Darryl Sutter is a hands-on kinda guy... but I think Drew Doughty is taking it a bit too far.
I'm really starting to worry about the kind of atmosphere Darryl Sutter is creating on the Kings bench.
Sure, Simon Gagne might have been taken off the active roster last week... but the Kings brought a bunch of grizzled veterans with them on their recent road trip.
Wow. I had no idea that Kyle Clifford was actually spawned from a human.
His son might be a professional hockey player... but Bob Scuderi is not above wearing a jersey with autographs on it.
The Fathers of the LA Kings weren't the only celebrities that came to Staples Center last week...
If you consider Gene Simmons an actual celebrity.
Dustin Penner also made a return to his home state (province?!?) on the Kings road trip last week.
Dustin Penner played on a team called the "Zodiacs"? No wonder his game has been murderous this season.
I wish Jack Edwards could announce Dustin Penner all day long.
Since we waved good-bye to 2011 a few days ago, let's take a look back at the most depressing season-in-review video ever.
And presenting the worst idea ever.
Hey Dedicated Kings Fan... maybe next time you are on national television you'll take the chew out of your lip.
The video isn't the only thing that is fading about Daryl Evans' legend.
So in an effort to sell tickets to a Monday night game against a non-exciting opponent, the Kings held the 2nd of their "Legends Night" this season. The 1st Legends Night honored Bernie Nicholls, a player who was a King for 9 years and once scored 70 goals in a season. Monday's Legends Night honored a player who was a King for 105 games and scored 21 goals total.
Either Daryl Evans brought his Mom to the game... or he has the ugliest wife ever.
I wish there was some way to visually represent all of Daryl Evan's tremendous accomplishments as a LA King.
Ok... he was selected 178th Overall. I guess just being drafted is an accomplishment, right?
Evans is widely known for his 52 points in 113 NHL games. I guess this rules Dustin Penner out of a LA Kings Legends Night.
Oh right... the Miracle on Manchester goal. Wanna know what it's like to be a fan of the LA Kings? The most memorable goal in LA Kings history comes during the 3rd game of a 1st round playoff series. That's what it's like to be a fan of the LA Kings.
Sweet... Daryl Evans led the Kings in Playoff Scoring in 1982... the only year he played in the playoffs besides 1 game with Toronto in 1987.
It's awesome that Daryl Evans is being honored for his 13 seasons on the radio. Man, I hope Bob Miller will get honored by the Kings one day for his 39 seasons.
Well, if I got to hang out with those ladies I'd host the LA Kings 5k Run too.
Okay, well I guess I can't make fun of these.
Ugh, get that guy on the left out of the photo! I only want to see LA Kings Legends!!!
(On a side note... is it me or is Luc Robitaille looking more and more like young Tim Robbins these days?)
Most of Daryl Evans' family also joined the festivities, including his brother Tom on the far right...
... who is the smallest man I've ever seen in my life.
Oh god... we fucking get it already. Enough with the Miracle on Manchester!
So the Daryl Evans LA Kings Legends Night has come and gone. But I can't wait for the Drew Doughty Legend Night in 10 years... because it seems that the only qualification for being a LA Kings Legend is having one good season!
So tonight the Los Angeles Kings are honoring Radio Color Analyst, Daryl Evans, as a LA Kings Legend. But there's one problem... Daryl Evans actually wasn't very good as a player for the LA Kings. In fact... he was kinda awful.
Wanna know why Evans only played 11 games in 2 seasons for the Kings from 1983-1985? Because he was skating for the Kings minor league team at the time, the New Haven Nighthawks.
An artist's rendering of Daryl Evans as a Nighthawk.
Daryl Evans had 160 points in 169 games for the Nighthawks and is the 11th all-time leading scorer for the minor league franchise. But let's be honest... if it were not for 1 goal in Daryl Evans career, there is no way he'd be honored tonight. But oh man... what a goal it was.
So yes, Daryl Evans is being honored as a "LA Kings Legend" because he scored the winning goal in the Miracle on Manchester, a moment that looms large in Kings playoff history because the Kings eliminated the heavily favored Edmonton Oilers in 5 games. And what did the Kings do with all the momentum from that stunning upset? They went on to lose to the Vancouver Canucks in the 2nd round, 4-1. Daryl Evans was eventually traded to the Washington Capitals and then signed as a free agent with Toronto, playing a total of 8 more NHL games. Evans is now in his 13th season as the Radio Color Analyst for the Kings and is known around the Kings community as the guy who dresses a lot like Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood.
Don't get me wrong. I'm a fan of Daryl Evans and the work he does for the Kings, both in the broadcast booth and off the ice. But really... a "Legend"? I'm not really sure if he fits in a group with Rogie Vachon, Bob Berry, Bob Pulford, Bernie Nicholls and Charlie Simmer. If scoring 1 important playoff goal is the new marker for what makes a "Legend" in the history of an overall disappointing franchise, then I'd like to submit the 3 front-runners for the 2012-2013 LA Kings Legends Nights.
CHRIS KONTOS
Amazing photo via ChrisKontos.com. I love any photo that has Wayne Gretzky wearing the "A."
Sure, we may have an unhealthy obsession with Chris Kontos here at The Royal Half... but the numbers don't lie. An amazing playoff run in 1989 with 9 goals in 11 games. A record 6 Power Play goals in 1 NHL Playoff series. And much like the Daryl Evans-led Kings team of 1982... a 2nd Round Playoff loss to the Calgary Flames in 4 games. I mean, Chris Kontos just SCREAMS LA Kings Legend! In fact, just ask Don Cherry, who thinks Chris Kontos is a great Canadian boy.
TODD ELIK
April 10th, 1990... on the 8th Anniversary of the Miracle on Manchester, the Los Angeles Kings beat the Calgary Flames in the 4th game of their 1st round series, 12-4. Dave Taylor, Tony Granato and Tomas Sandstrom all had hat tricks, an NHL playoff record. (You can watch this game in it's entirety by downloading it from iTunes here. What a time we live in!) Dubbed the Massacre on Manchester, LA Kings rookie center, Todd Elik, had a goal and 3 assists which tied a Franchise Playoff Record for Points by a Rookie. Who does Elik share the record with? Daryl Evans, of course. Todd Elik also owns the Franchise Playoff Record for points in a series by a Kings rookie with 8. Elik played 122 games with the Kings, totalling 91 points before being traded to the Minnesota North Stars (!) for Randy Gilhen, Jim Thomson, and a fourth-round draft pick which eventually became Alexei Zhitnik. And guess what? Todd Elik just retired from playing professional hockey at the age of 43 after his final season with Thurgau of the Swiss-B league where he had 18 points in 13 games.
Todd Elik is still #1 in the hearts of LA Kings fans.
Darrell Evans became the first player to hit 40 home runs in both leagues, and at 38 became the oldest player ever to lead the league in home runs. Evans hit over 20 home runs in 10 different seasons and drew over 100 walks 5 times, with a career high 126 in 1974. In 1988 he hit his 400th home run, becoming the 22nd player to reach that milestone. He retired after having joined Reggie Jackson in becoming only the second player to hit 100 home runs with three different teams, and ranking in 11th place among all-time walks leaders. Evans hit 60 home runs in his 40s, at the time a major league record.
And yet with all these accolades, Darrell Evans is not a Hall of Famer. Maybe it's because of his .248 career batting average or that he shares a MLB record for committing 3 errors in an inning. Or maybe it's because he claims he was visited by an UFO. Either way... if you are going to make a Daryl Evans Legends night... why not make it an actual Darrell Evans who was a Legend?
It was a relaxing week down here at The Royal Half (I mean, we even missed Drew Doughty grabbing Jarret Stoll's crotch!) So this week's edition of Pundays is a little bit abbreviated... but who cares really, because this Pun Headline from the writers at NHL.com is one of the greatest ever.
"You Oughta Know" came out in 1995. In the 1995-1996 season Jaromir Jagr had 127 points in 81 games.
So I go away for a couple days to enjoy some excellent skiing and what do I miss?
The single greatest moment of LA Kings-based homo-eroticism since this.
TOP 3 TWEETS I WOULD HAVE WRITTEN HAD I SEEN THIS INSTEAD OF SKIING
1) With the way that Darryl Sutter literally manhandles the players on the bench, why is anyone surprised that Drew Doughty grabbed Jarret Stoll's cock after a goal?
2) I know that Darryl Sutter wanted to create a new identity for the Kings, but Drew Doughty grabbing Jarret Stoll's cock after a goal may not be it.
3) Obviously, Terry Murray was a homophobe.
This has been an amazing year at The Royal Half. We've had over 300,000 page views the past 12 months, which I think is nearly 299,999 more page views than we've had the last 3 years. Thanks to all of the great fans that comment, tweet, send me emails with awesome photos and videos, or those that just lurk and laugh or curse. Happy New Year to you all and Go Kings Go!!!
I guess I have only one question about the Los Angeles Kings kinda-annual Fathers and Sons Road Trip. Does Simon Gagne's dad stay in LA... or travel with the team to act as a surrogate father to Kyle Clifford?
Because there is no way anything human gave birth to this thing.
So the fathers of the LA Kings players are heading with them to Chicago and Winnipeg in the middle of Winter. I don't know... if I were a LA King Dad... I'd probably rather go on the Tampa Bay and Miami road trip in the middle of February. But these are Hockey Dads we are talking about, so they are probably used to the cold.
Winnipeg really is beautiful this time of year.
KingsVision has an AMAZING feature on the 1st part of this Father-Son Road Trip. Check it out.
Rob Scuderi's Dad sounds like he is off-the-boat from Long Island.
How can we really be sure these guys are the fathers of our favorite hockey players? They look nothing alike.
Nope, don't see it.
Okay, that is exactly what Brad Richardson is gonna look like in 30 years.
Kings fans... answer in the comments... who do you think these Mystery Dads are?
I know that's Brad Richardson's dad in the middle. That may be Super Mario's dad on the left.
From the haircut alone, I would assume that's Trent Hunter's dad on the left.
Alright... which dad is wearing the super-cool belt cell phone holder???
The dad on the left is none other than "J2"... the man who created Jack Johnson... Jack Johnson Sr.
