Friday, October 12th at around 7:30pm me and my Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy were supposed to be in our seats at Staples Center for our 10th consecutive Los Angeles Kings Opening Night as Half Season Ticket Holders. The 1st home game of a new NHL season is always a great affair. Catching up with old friends, chatting with season ticket neighbors and of course... watching your favorite hockey team's 1st ever Stanley Cup Banner be raised to the rafters.
Ha... suck it, LA Sparks...
just one more championship and we are finally tied with you!!!
So while Los Angeles Kings fans everywhere wait until there is some sort of settlement between the NHL owners and players, there is no reason the LA Kings Stanley Cup Banner should remain in storage. No, instead the LA Kings Marketing Department has figured out a few practical options for the Stanley Cup Banner until it can be placed in its proper home.
But in the meantime... like most of the NHL,
I guess it could always go hang out in Russia for the season.
RED CARPET FOR THE 84th OSCARS
Let's be honest... for most of their 44 seasons the Los Angeles Kings have been a doormat team. So why not combine the excitement of the franchise winning its 1st ever Championship with the ultimate high-end welcome mat... the Oscars Red Carpet! This actually works out well because several of Hollywood's most beautiful A-list actresses are used to climbing all over something with the LA Kings logo on it... just ask Jarret Stoll! And everyone knows that the LA Kings could use some better direction on which movies to go see... so this is really a win-win situation.
BEDSHEETS FOR DUSTIN BROWN'S CHILDREN
It's a scientific fact that Dustin Brown's kids are the cutest things on the planet. So if the LA Kings Stanley Cup Banner can't keep the hearts of longtime Kings fans warm by hanging from the rafters of Staples Center... why not instead keep the offspring of the Kings' Captain warm each and every night. And besides... there is no better way to celebrate the legacy of Dustin Brown than by diving into bed.
SUPERMAN CAPE FOR DWIGHT HOWARD
Move over, Jeff Carter! There is a brand new "Player who was Miserable on His Previous Team" in town! Los Angeles Lakers off-season acquisition, Dwight Howard, is known for slam dunking with a Superman cape on. (FYI, I had to look up this information up on Wikipedia.) So what better use of the LA Kings Stanley Cup Banner than as a prop in a skills competition? And look at it this way... the Stanley Cup Banner attached to a basketball players back is probably the greatest chance the LA Kings have of getting the Banner into the rafters this season. Although, I'm not sure how original of an idea this is because something similar has been tried before...
It just makes sense.
DUSTIN PENNER'S HAMMOCK
Sure, other NHL players aren't letting themselves get slowed down by the lockout and are heading overseas to play in Russia or Switzerland or... Scotland?!? But not 2-Time Stanley Cup Winner, Dustin Penner. While teammates like Anze Kopitar is riding a bus 9 hours just to play some hockey and Alec Martinez struggles to learn the language so that he can keep his legs in game shape... Dustin Penner is getting ready for a potential NHL season the only way he knows how...
By playing Nintendo 64...
...and organizing his ties.
So what better way for Dustin Penner to keep in mid-season shape than by spending his days lying in a hammock made out of the LA Kings Stanley Cup Banner? And besides... it provides the perfect lumbar support while eating pancakes.
KIM KARDASHIAN'S POOL TOWEL
The Stanley Cup Banner is an everlasting tribute to the hardest working and most dedicated hockey players in the world. So if it can't hang from the rafters of Staples Center... why not hang from the breasts of the hardest working and most dedicated Reality Television star in the world??? And the best part is that like most of her career, Kim Kardashian will earn her Stanley Cup Banner by doing absolutely nothing... just like Davis Drewiske earned his! And everyone knows that girls with big butts just love black accessories.
KLEENEX FOR TERRY MURRAY'S TEARS
After being hired in 2008 to teach the Los Angeles Kings how to play defense... Terry Murray was fired 3 months into their Championship Season because the Los Angeles Kings played too much defense. The team may not have been able to get his name on the Stanley Cup but at least the Kings will give Murray his day with the Stanley Cup Championship Banner. And that's enough to make any man who has always been known for being unemotional... cry his heart out.