We all have our roles here at The Royal Half Headquarters. I am the creative genius and driving force behind the site. Indiana Matt is the photoshop expert and in-house Midwestern Farm Boy. And the latest addition to our team, Brigitte from One Girl, One Puck, is the resident raging alcoholic. No, seriously guys... she really, really has a problem. We shouldn't make light of it one bit. So instead... we are going to let her make fun of it! So if you are watching at home or watching at an awesome Watch Party in Cerritos (where ever the hell that is!)... presenting, the Official Los Angeles Kings Playoff Drinking Game!!!
The good thing is that you know Drew Doughty will always pick up the tab.
Cute white iPhone, Drew.
I'm not a scientist or anything, but I think you might be doing it wrong.
As any LA Kings fan can tell you sometimes a good drink is needed to get through a game. Let's face it, when you root for a team who's 30th 29th (woo!) in the league in scoring there's not too much to cheer about. So in order to get through the often exciting 1-0 hockey games, me and a few close friends have developed an entertaining way to get through the night. Now that this team is in the playoffs many of you may need this more than ever.
Remember please play this drinking game responsibly, and by responsibly I mean by getting completely obliterated.
- Pick out a drink of choice for the game. Whether it's beer, wine, or if you're going for the hard stuff, it's best to pick one beverage and stick with that all night.
- Pick out which things you're going to drink to. Start with just one and work your way into your alcoholism.
- Have fun, remember that's why you watch this STUPID TEAM!!!!!!!!
THINGS TO DRINK TO:
1) EVERY TIME DUSTIN BROWN FALLS ON HIS ASS
The Dustin Brown School of Skating has many pupils, but none can match the falling prowess of the founder.
- Once if it's after a check or on a play with any type of contact.
- Twice if he's diving.
- Chug the whole thing if he's at least 5 feet away from anyone.
2) DRINK, EVERY TIME DREW DOUGHTY TURNS THE PUCK OVER
"Oops. Wait I'm supposed to pass the puck to the guys in white? Sorry my bad."
- Once if it's in the offensive zone.
- Twice if it's in the neutral zone.
- Three times if it's in front of the Kings net.
- Chug the whole thing if it results in a goal against.
3) DRINK, EVERY TIME MATT GREENE LOSES HIS HELMET
"I changed my helmet this year, the old one was falling off too much."
- Take one drink the first time Matt Greene's helmet falls off.
- Take one drink the second time Matt Greene's helmet falls off.
- Take one drink the third time Matt Greene's helmet falls off.
- Take one drink the fourth time Matt Greene's helmet falls off.
- Take one drink the fifth time Matt Greene's helmet falls off.
- Take one drink the sixth time Matt Greene's helmet falls off.
- Take one drink the seventh time Matt Greene's helmet falls off.
- Take one drink the eighth time Matt Greene's helmet falls off.
- If you don't get the point by now... Matt Greene's helmet falls off a lot during the game.
4) DRINK, EVERY TIME A LA KINGS PLAYER MISSES AN OPEN NET
Hockey 101: The puck goes in the net, not 10 feet high and wide.
- Once if it's a forward.
- Twice if it's a defenseman.
- Three times if it's Dustin Brown.
- Chug the whole thing if it's Dustin Penner.
- Bonus drink if the other team has pulled their goalie.
5) DRINK, EVERY TIME JARRET STOLL TAKES A STUPID PENALTY
Jarret Stoll's penalty was so stupid they just put Mike Richards in the box too.
- Once if it's in the offensive zone.
- Twice if it's within the first five minutes of the game.
- Three times if it's within five minutes of the end of the game.
- Chug the whole thing if the other team scores on the power play.
6) DRINK, EVERY TIME BOB MILLER AND/OR JIM FOX...
"I think I'm going to just drink straight from the bottle Bob."
- Say something about a player involving:
- Playing against a former team.
- Playing against a former coach.
- The University of Wisconsin.
- Mess up a players name or number:
- Bonus if it happens more than once to the same player.
- Another bonus if a players name is completely made up. (i.e. David Brown instead of David Booth)
- Extra bonus if it's not Bob Miller who says it.
- Say something about Jeff Carter's "Quick Release."
- Jim Fox says "Whoa!"
SPECIAL BONUS DRINK TRIGGERS FOR OUR FRIENDS FROM THE NORTH WHO ARE WATCHING ON CBC!!!
(OR OUR U.S. FRIENDS WATCHING ON NBC SN)
That's not a trash can he's throwing... it's filled with Molson Light.
- Drink every time Coach Darryl Sutter's brothers are mentioned.
- Drink every time the Los Angeles Kings lack of scoring during the regular season is mentioned.
- Drink whenever Jonathan Quick is mentioned as being a Vezina candidate.
- Drink every time the announcers criticize a call against the Los Angeles Kings.
- Drink every time Dustin Penner scores the game winning goal on your team. In fact, if that happens again... you shouldn't stop drinking until the fall of 2012.